Sometimes I am angry that I was given certain principles, ideals, philosophies but when I've been faced with the actual trial of my faith, no one shows me how to really put those things to use. They get casually tossed to the wayside.
Perhaps teenage rebellion is not always a total disregard for any authority but a cry out of frustration. When faced with the reality that life's trials are not simply situations of blatant peer pressure we can "just say no" to, we don't throw away the teachings of our childhood because we don't agree with them. In a way, I think it hurts to try to hold onto the ideals when nothing seems to be working. It's like our only hope for sanity is to just act as if we're throwing them away. It's a test, a plea, "show me how to make this work! I don't understand."
"Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try..."
I've never thought it was easy, but for some reason I loved this song and even found some sort of comfort in the loneliness of it's words. If there were no heaven, would you still be who you are? "And no religion too?" Would you still do the things you do? I think it's an interesting, worth evaluating question.
I've been thinking of forgiveness for a while. I wonder if it's always right, or best for us, to forgive. This would imply that forgiving someone means totally accepting them into our lives and building relationships that have been damaged or even destroyed. The most extreme example I can think of is a child who is mistreated by a parent. Later in life, that parent is not that same abusive, hurtful person. The child is an adult and can heal from those wounds. Is it wise for that child, even as an objective adult, to try to form a relationship with that parent? In the case of extreme abuse, my mind and heart shout NO! What if it was lesser treatment, but still hurtful? What if it was a friend who had broken your trust? Where is the line drawn? What does it mean to forgive? I've at times thought that it doesn't have to mean a mending of the relationship but more a not wishing them harm and moving on. But sometimes those people and/or relationships can't be broken. They keep coming back around. Do I have the right to say I just don't want it? Is it okay/possible to say I forgive you and even wish you well, but I don't want anything to do with you?
2 comments:
I've felt like you do on a lot of things, if they're so important why isn't there a better guide for us? Why is it always assumed that life is perfect but no advice on how to fix it if it isn't. There's a kind of head in the sand mentality going. I wonder if it's not like someone getting really sick,terminally ill. Then no one has anything to say to him, because they just don't know what to say or do. And maybe they are afraid of 'catching' the disease themselves.
Anyway, God is very forgiving. But even He has his limits. And forgiveness doesn't necessarily get you a place in heaven- even if.
Forgiving is for the forgiver, so you can get on with your life. It is not acceptance or approval. It doesn't mean you have to love the one who hurt you or have anything to do with him. You acknowledge to yourself that you dealt with the offence as well as you could. You cast it off, as much as you can, including the badness you hold about the person/people who hurt you. This enables you to go on with your life with freedom. I think God forgives us for our wrongs because he just can't be hampered with thinking about them all the time. He goes on. But it's up to us to restore ourselves enough to be near Him. That's our job. Sometimes it takes a long time. Maybe it never happens. I've forgiven some for whatever. It doesn't mean I ever want to see them again or that I can feel towards them as if nothing ever happened. It means it's not an active part of my life. I don't dwell on it. It takes a long time for wounds to heal, moreso for spiritual or emotional wounds. And you can't be the only healing process...you can't heal for the others. They have to do that for themselves. You take care of you.
Being well, me.... I've been through a lot, more than I'd like and more than I'd care to share. But I would like to address one of your points. With nothing but life experience to back me up, I've learned that life is too short to not forgive, and to forgive does not mean to accept the behavior, it just to me, means letting go of the hurt, the pain, the wounds, it's not my place to punish anyone, and going on being angry or hurt it too time consuming. If someone changes later in life, and people do change, they mellow out, they realize through life changes that they were wrong in some way, those people are worth rebuilding a relationship with. The ones that show no remorse or repentance, what's to rebuild? There's no sense in being a doormat to someone that acknowledges no wrong, even if it is a parent. I've found that my dad is a much better friend than he was a dad. It's just how it was. We had a time out and he's a great grandfather to my kids and a good friend to me. Even though my childhood was painful and hurtful, it's over, I've learned, he's learned, we've healed... but it's something we don't pick the scabs off of either. Now with my ex there is no desire for any relationship down the road even for the kids because of the evil he brought into our lives. Now, if the kids choose, as adults to try and rekindle something I can't stop that, I hope that doesn't happen, but by then it won't be my choice. Right now it is and I like having that choice.
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