Mr. Magorium

Is it his wonder emporium? Magical emporium? Crap, I can't remember. Anyway...

We saw that movie last night. I had no previous desire AT ALL to see it but it was wonderful. First off, Dustin Hoffman is a great actor and I think I love him. Secondly, the movie was full of magic and believing and reminding us to play in life. And thirdly, it was full of great quotes.

At the beginning of the movie, the narrator, a 9 year old boy, says something like "I don't know why people don't believe who they were as kids." He is talking about the 23 year old character who was considered a piano genius when she was 9. She says when anyone asks her to play anything, she still plays the same piece that people were so impressed with then. She is trying to write her own piece, but can't seem to finish it. She feels stuck and like she can't get past a certain place.The boy's point was why doesn't she let herself now be the genius she was then?

Not to be vain, but I was once a smart kid. I was also a pretty girl. I was shy, but that just meant quiet, not afraid and awkward. I was friends with everyone in my grade.
Now I honestly, most the time, think I"m not very smart. I got past thinking I'm ugly, but I don't think I'm pretty unless I really try at it and then it's only "in my own way." I'm afraid of asserting myself at all and don't even want to make friends because it's just too awkward all the time. Hm... why did I forget who I was as a kid?

The other day, Dad brought up a job that they can't seem to get enough people to fill. Everyone who does that now is retiring so there is a real shortage. And then he said something about math being a part of it. I didn't get to really talk to him about it, but I've kind of been daydreaming about it for two days now. Could I really do something like that?
I don't know if I'd really want to or not, but the thought of being a smart, successful person has made me feel... I don't even mean this in a vain and worldly seeking way... it has made me feel connected. Like oh, yeah, I am a smart and capable person. It's almost like a kid pretending "when I grow up" and in that expectation, I find I can rise to meet the challenge. I meet my potential. The problem with my low self esteem is not not being able to overcome something hard, but not expecting myself to in the first place. If you only expect so much of yourself, you're telling yourself that's all you are. It's not quite that... it's more like... if you never have the opportunity to be smart and pretty and who you are, you're going to believe you're something different.

Last weekend we watched the movie "Next." (Yes we watch a lot of movies). I thought it was awesome and unexpected. It had a couple good quotes too. In this movie, the guy is able to see two minutes into his future. He says "the thing about the future is it changes when you look at it simply because you looked at it." When it ended I told Jeff if I would have seen that when I was 16, it would have answered a lot of questions in my life. It was pretty cool.
I've always worried about doing the right thing and getting to the right place. At 16, I was deathly afraid of messing up my destiny by making the wrong choice (Benny used to tease that I was afraid I'd wear the wrong color shirt causing me to miss out on my only chance to do.... whatever it was God wanted/life had planned for me).

Thinking about my potential and jobs and things Jeff talks about with his work changing and having kids etc... I've had the strange feeling the last day or two that life could really be different than anything I've imagined. It could be ALL that I've imagined. It hasn't happened yet. I just have to touch my potential and see what happens...