Have you ever had a secret you want to shout from the rooftops so that everyone can share in your joy?
But at the same time, you want no one to know because even a thought of disapproval or misunderstanding will taint what beauty you have found?
A lifetime is forever, however long or short it's been. I've been standing on the edge of time, waiting, aching to fly, but my feet won't leave the ground. But then it only took one day and the wind blew and nothing's been the same since.
A knight in shining armor has entered my life. A few days together have felt like an eternity and a few hours apart even longer. To hold someone and know you belong there. To look in his eyes and see your own past, present, and future. To fear losing that person, knowing that your heart would never be able to open again. To feel joy just at the sight of them.
...
I'm trying to quit my Zoloft this week. It's hard to explain how I feel. It's like self criticism becomes strong. I could put words to the feelings that are there, but that's not how it comes. It comes in words, not feelings. And I feel very afraid of what everyone else thinks of me. I don't want to share my secrets because not only would disapproval taint their beauty, but now I'm vulnerable enough that I would be crushed by anyone else's pessimism. The fear of losing this great thing I have recently found is too much. I feel almost self destructive. Like I'm looking, expecting to be hurt by this person, and I'm afraid that I will unknowingly set things up for it.
