I said with a grin,
We were just talking about you.
We all had to lie,
Because you would cry,
If you knew we were laughing at you...
Come on now now, come on now now, Enjoy the humor of the situation."
~BNL
The other day, playing with my husband, he said to just enjoy it. It's not that I wasn't having fun, it's that even in playing a game, I am so concerned about looking stupid or what the other person is thinking or feeling. When he said it, I realized that I COULD have just relaxed and enjoyed it- it was just him and me. So why didn't I?
Last night I went out with my mom and sister. We went to the fabric store because they were having a great sale and out to eat Chinese food- yum! I was excited to see them and wanted to talk about fabric and hair and clothes and boys. We ended up spending the whole time talking about several "relations" that are going through a tough time right now. This was fine, I guess, people need to clear their minds and figure out what they can and can't do for these people. But it was so depressing! Some of the people, you feel sorry for them. They really do seem like helpless children caught in a big mean world. Other people, I just want to scream that I don't care because they get what they deserve (how Christian am I?).
I went home and cuddled with my husband and all the bad feelings started to go away. I slept okay last night and felt okay when I woke up. My hubby needed a ride home from work this morning so I went to get him. The traffic was awful. I stopped to get gas at a Maverick that was as crowded as the gift shops in Disneyland. Then I couldn't get out and turned the right way to get to his work, it was getting late and I started to worry that I'd be late for work. I was so frustrated and I WANTED to be mad and grumpy about it.
When I got to Jeff, he got in the car and was holding a very brightly multi-colored toy stuffed chicken. His sister in law works at the same place he does and she brought it for him from his mom. Apparenlty, Jeff and his OLDER brother have been fighting over this chicken for years. Jeff won it out of one of those claw grabber games at an arcade but it was on his brother's dollar so they both felt they had claims to it. On the way home, Jeff made all kinds of silly chicken jokes and gave his chicken a real big hug before making me also hug the chicken.
The other day I went grocery shopping. It was hot and I was tired and when I got to my car I was trying to hurry so fast to get the groceries in the trunk. It dawned on me so obviously that the reason I hate grocery shopping is I go and try to not spend any money or time doing it. What I need to realize is that every other week, we run out of food and this is what it costs to buy it and this is how long it takes. So just relax. It's just life. Somehow that made me feel much better. I s-l-o-w-l-y put stuff in the trunk and went home. Life's not so hard.
I'm not sure what my point in all this is. Last night I kept thinking I came to some very clear conclusions about my responsibility and my feelings about my life and everyone else's.
I think I'm just saying I've decided to be happy. Laugh at the situation. You can only do so much for people. It's okay to have your own priorities. And just slow down. Life isn't so hard. Now, go hug a chicken.
2 comments:
Sounds good, Jak. And I always have to acknowledge a post that quotes the Ladies.
I had to laugh out loud about Jeff and the chicken. That is so cute!
After you left us last night I was thinking about all we talked about...I apologize for doing that to you AGAIN...and I decided that I also need to live for myself more. And as I read this blog of yours I think I know what you discovered. It's the "French" way. Or maybe it's the whole "European" way. Anyhow, I think that the first part of your story...the franticness and hurry and grumping..is simply the AMERICAN WAY. Why is that? We just hurry, hurry, all the time. We could do as you suggest and just realize that shopping or whatever takes a certain amount of time, and money, etc. so you give it. Why try to change what is so unchangeable? And why even think about whatever else if you're grocery shopping? Just do the shopping...Pay attention to that at the moment. Enjoy it, possibly?
Eating serves as a big example of this harriedness. Not often does one stop and smell the roastes...(haha..I made a funny pun.) We just hurry and gobble things down as we rush to do other things. It's no wonder we are always eating. We never give it due attention so it's as if it didn't happen at all. A dream come true it is for the snack market.
Ah me...contemplation, considerings, musings, observing,...no time for that in this world. Glade mentioned seeing many a sunrise in Germany, after he rides his bike to a special destination with a friend. Sounds rather ethereal, doesn't it?
I can almost remember mornings with sunrises and other sensual pleasures. They are from a very long time ago. I wanted my own children to experience such awesome pleasantries in life. I don't know if we ever did much. We were always in a hurry or too busy or, most often too tired. Such regret.
I don't know how you stop an avalanche with your bare hands...or turn a river by standing in the middle with outstretched arms. I feel as if taking on societies habits to try to change even my own life can be like that. But there must be a way. Simple intention just might do it. And perhaps not worrying about if you do get it accomplished or not would make more of an impact than otherwise. But I think I'll give intention a try...and maybe some meditaion and breathing works. At any rate, I hope to not become so pulled apart by the regularity of the normal days that I forget all about this new goal. As I put a hem in Karen's pants the other day, I thought, "Hmm, this is nice. I enjoy sewing and ironing. I should do a lot more of it." It centered me. I have been shopping for fabric. Now I must resolve not to put the ironing board back down.
And jak..I found it interesting that you would admit that you WANTED to be grumpy. Hooray and Three Cheers for you. You go girl!! Do it like a Lady...UH HUH!!! Hug that chicken! Love that Jeff.
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