Not finished

Yesterday I read an article about Faith Hill doing a cover for a magazine wearing a bikini. Faith Hill is quoted as saying it's her birthday present to herself (it's her 41st? birthday and she's had 3 kids and she looks like that! kind of thing). The writer of this article said that celebrity swimsuit photos should come with a warning; normal people don't look like that.
This article, I thought, was unique because the writer, also in her 40's with a couple kids, claimed to be an athletic type. She and her mother run marathons! So, it's not just a fat, "normal" person complaining about the images we see, but someone who could possibly live up to the hype. She said that people like Faith Hill claim to get back in shape after a baby with exercise and a reasonable diet, perhaps even just by breastfeeding. So, she took the challenge. Adding to her already rigorous workout routine, she added kick boxing classes and admitted that she was now working out about 8 hours (or was it more?) a week. She said she really was spending enough time that it was like a part time job! And, although she didn't change her diet, she also noted that she generally cooks organic and really healthy stuff at home, far from the typical American diet.
I think she spent three months doing this to prove that she too could have Faith Hill-like abs. The result? She was in awesome shape! The army expects recruits to be able to do so many sit ups and push ups in a given amount of time. She had that beat no problem. She was toned etc. BUT, she still had a slouchy, saggy belly from having babies. Her point was, without plastic surgery, personal trainers, cooks and nutritionists on hand, etc. and really even making more than the average person can do effort, we are still flawed. Accept it, love yourself, and be happy.

I have always had just one or two very white hairs on the front of my head. They are more noticeable when I have bangs. I noticed them when I was in high school and it was literally like two or three hairs. My dad has beautiful, shiny, white hair. No gray, no dullness. The story is, his mom, who also had the beautiful white hair, started going white before she was 30. My sister and I always said it would be so cool to have pure white hair and we wanted to "race" to see who got there first. She's six years older and I think is starting to look salt and peppered. Since I got married (or perhaps it's since a certain age :), I have noticed a few more white hairs on top of my head. More than a couple times, standing in the sun with Jeff and his tallness above me, he's remarked "ooh, you're sparkly!" which is sweet of him considering the first time he noticed I think it highlighted our somewhat large age difference and kind of freaked him out.
A few days ago someone at work commented "you're getting gray aren't you?" Well, I'm not getting gray, it's still only a few hairs. But, yes, they are getting more noticeable. A part of me is proud of my white hairs. It's like my inheritance. And it's not about age or getting old or even stress, like some people claim. It's just me.
But, because of... I don't know? whatever's out there... I'm starting to worry. If someone across the cubicle notices my hair, maybe it's getting more obvious. If I'm just now having a baby and Jeff is that much younger than I am, I don't want to look old and let's face it, gray hair does age you even when it's pretty. I don't want to look "out of style" or like I let myself go or...something.

I find myself really struggling with these kinds of things. It's not like I expect to have supermodel abs, but knowing it's not even possible for super athletic woman is... well, freeing on the one hand, but scary at the same time. Scary because there is so much out there telling us how we should be. To stand against it feels so... isolating.