Well, as usual, stuff has come up this week to make stressful me really stress. Yesterday, I felt determined. I prayed in the morning and sometimes I just feel more in touch that way. It helped a lot. I decided I have to stop waiting to see what life is doing and start doing it myself. This is a lesson I've always felt needed learning by me.
This morning I got up and threw up and just cried and felt frustrated all morning. I felt overwhelmed and under-appreciated. I felt weak and like giving up. After talking to Jeff, I've again determined to be happy and positive and look to make life what I want it to be and not just get pushed around by all the mixed up things life tries to force on us.
My sister and I used to have a saying "don't listen to the dumbs!" (to give proper credit, she probably told it to me first). This morning I felt like no matter what I think or believe in or want, life is just going to take it away. People keep telling Jeff that "everybody hates their job." I keep fearing that I will be stuck with my job, even after the baby, because you have to have health insurance, I have benefits and security and it's a good little job and "you can't live on one income."
Okay okay okay. WE KNOW! Jeff is willing to work and do something just because he has to. I will do what I have to to take care of my family and do my part. But WHY in the world should Jeff sell himself short, not expect something more of himself and life, and just go out and get any dumb old job? Why shouldn't he look for something better!? Why should I just become another working mother? I can't even breast feed my own baby because I have to go to work? That is evil personified if you ask me! Why shouldn't we expect more? Hope for more? Work for more?
So today I'm determined to listen to myself. To go inside and remember my hope, my dreams, even my own abilities, and make something of it! One of my "talents" is goals and dreams and vision and making it happen. I don't say that in grandeur, I say that knowing that when I pray and have faith, God has always helped me to accomplish these things. Why should now be any different?
2 comments:
Great hope! Hold on to it! Life and people always try to suck it out of you, but don't let them! Look at how wrong the world has it! Do what you know is right! And keep praying!
Amen and Amen! Its true. You don't have to hate your job or your life. Trust in the Lord and make things happen. President Hinckley said things just have a way of working out. I believe it. My mom always says "this too shall pass." and I use that mantra anytime I feel frustrated. you go girl!!! I believe in you and your good heart. Trusting yourself is an AWESOME thing to do when you are as smart as yourself. :p
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