Once upon a time, I didn't think it was lazy for a woman to quit her job to take care of her children. Once upon a time, I didn't think it was selfish to ask the dad to go to work to support the family while the mom stayed home to take care of them. Now, even as I work day and night constantly giving my physical and emotional energy to my baby, I'm starting to feel like it's selfish and lazy to ask that of him. Am I forgetting?
Once upon a time, I learned confidence as I worked through college, talking to really smart guys and taking really hard physics tests. People liked me and I was just as smart even on days when I didn't wear make up. Once upon a time, I learned self esteem as I stood before students and taught them a hard subject and they praised me for my talents. It wasn't just their praise that gave me self esteem, but the feeling of doing something I loved and was good at and was me. Am I forgetting?
Once upon a time, I had a vision of who I wanted to be today. The grace with which I would carry myself. The beauty I would portray. The strength and femininity I would emulate. Am I forgetting?
I woke up happy today, determined. Determined not to let the world run me, but to rule my own little kingdom and to remember...
5 comments:
You end this on an upbeat note, so it makes me wonder if I'm even reading it correctly. In your first paragraph, are you saying that you think it's selfish and lazy of you to ask that your husband provide for his family? This question makes so little sense to me, I don't even know how to respond. I hope I'm just reading you wrong.
But ... if I'm reading you correctly, let me tell you how grateful I am that I'm not the one who stays home with the kids. I could not do it. I don't have that much strength and stamina. It terrifies me to even think of it, and I don't think I'm exaggerating. So, I think husbands have it easy if they do the work. There's a trade-off -- we miss out on a lot -- but wow ... there's just no way we have it harder.
Final note: you should never apologize for having needs. You should only apologize if you don't care about anyone else's. I KNOW that's not going to be the case with you. On the contrary, I'm almost certain you are putting other people before you, and that might be equally problematic. And, as a husband myself, I'll say there's no way I'd want my wife to be putting her needs below mine. If you think you're only doing yourself a disservice to put your own needs last, think again. By intentionally banishing part of your own self -- your needs, wants, desires, feelings, etc. -- you're undermining the very sanctity and intimacy of your marriage. You're holding back part of yourself instead of giving your all. It's wrong. Quit it.
Benny, I don't know if you'll check back here or not but I thank you so much for your words. You always know the right things to say. It really helps to hear your perspective.
I guess my blog was a bit contradictory in tone because I wrote it in spurts and didn't really edit before posting. It was just some thoughts. And I guess I was feeling both things- good and bad. Trying to be positive, strong, and determined, but also feeling scared, underminded, and overwhelmed!
Sadly, I have been stuck inside myself for a while now. I write blogs and emails to people and express a lot of emotion but when it comes to real life, especially talking to my husband, it feels really hard. It's not really his fault or because there is anything wrong with him. I think I get in my own way with my own fears etc.
I suppose what it comes down to is that I feel so strongly about some things I know I have to fight for them and follow through with them, even at the expense of everything else. I shouldn't be afraid of losing some things, I don't think that that would really happen, but I am afraid- like my husband won't want to support me and by insisting on what I know is right, I'll lose him. He says he's not going anywhere, but I'm still scared. I know I have to quit my job, but having no income is scary. I'm starting to ramble...
Anyway, thanks Ben. I love you!!!!!
Love you too.
I agree with Ben 100%
If your needs aren't met then you can't give to meet others needs, it's like trying to give from a bank account thats empty.
Being a dad myself of many children, kids who have had 1 parent duck out from their responsabilities, I have given a lot of thought to what it means to be a parent.
Being Catholic I can't emphasize the importance of a mother, Mary plays a major role in my religion.
I can say be a mother as Mary was and is to the Lord, and expect a Father to be as Joseph.
What is best for your family may be different from others but if we model ourselves as parents after the parents of the the Lord we will be doing the best we can.
As a mother give attention to the things Mary would have,as a father provide as Joseph would have.
Marriage and children change the lives of the parents and it's not optional to fulfill those roles and it's not selfish or wrong to expect everyone to do their part.
oh, and I love you too! I am very proud of you and Ben and find myself looking up to you both often, Thank You for setting the example I should have.
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