I have been so touched by people willing and WANTING to help me and my baby. We are going through some tough times right now but I worry I'm melo-dramatic or something. Have I made things out to be so bad when really they're not? I hope not. We do need some help and I feel there are big decisions to be made.
I've always wanted, as you all know, to be a stay at home mom. I believe this is so important. But now that she is here, it seems like an impossible dream and yet I know with every part of me that I can't leave her. Jeff says just because I have to go to work doesn't mean I'm not her mom. But it would feel that way. And especially at this point in her life, I think it would be that way. Anyway...
I have to be home with my baby and I'm praying so hard and trying so hard to think up a miracle to make it possible. I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for talking, listening, praying, and doing. I really am awed by how much people care and want to help. For the record, Jeff too wants me to be home, he just doesn't see that it's possible. It is scary to quit my job when we have no other income. But I think I have to. Is that okay? Will faith really pull me through?
There are some options for food and health care and living arrangements. That's all that really matters at this point to me. I'm not really sure what to ask for. I thought the other night that if Jeff could just get a job, he'd be okay with me staying home and I could quit asking so many questions. I wanted to ask everyone to pray for that. Something's gotta give. I'm going to take this leap and hope we fly on some more meaningful plane.
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