Monday was a busier Monday than I've had in a while, and that's saying a lot. Tuesday and Wednesday haven't slowed down much either. I feel at any given moment that there are a million things I'm doing and supposed to keep track of. I don't like that feeling. It makes me not like what I'm doing and get mad at my job and wonder what the point is.
I tried on Monday to be constructive about my criticism and have a good attitude. My thoughts and attitude really do make a difference and, even though it's hard, I'm learning to control them at least a little.
Through Monday and into Tuesday, when I found myself feeling like "I hate my job," I tried to ask myself what it is I don't like. When I felt like I was so stressed I could cry or scream, I realized I didn't have to feel that way. It is just a job and it's not worth getting so frazzled over. This helped. I thought that maybe if I could identify real things I don't like, not just say I'm stressed and crazy, I would be able to change it, fix it, or at least ask for help.
1. I don't like the feeling of stress and feeling like there is more to do than I can get done. I am a very responsible person and I take it seriously when I have a job to do. I don't always like that feeling. Monday, there was TOO much to do.
2. A lot of people have needed my help this week. I like helping people. I also have a hard time saying no or setting limits. I feel like people were asking things of me that are not my job and other people were asking me things that they should be able to do by themself. I don't like feeling like I'm doing it because someone else is too lazy or, frankly, dumb to do it themself. I don't like feeling like if I don't do it, it's not going to get done.
3. Kind of the same thing, but I really don't like feeling unrecognized and unappreciated. I don't like it when I'm going out of my way and really doing more than my share to help someone and they treat me like they just expect it. When I'm running myself ragged to help them and they don't even realize it. Is this pride? I kind of don't like that I feel this way. It's like I want recognition or something and I don't think (or want to think) that's why I do things. But, sometimes, I really feel like no one has any clue how much work I'm doing and that's very frustrating and overwhelming and lonely.
So, it is a bit constructive to try to logicate (hahaha- great word!) these feelings. I can see that what I don't like isn't coming so much from this particular job, but in how I look at and respond to things. Any job would probably be the same. That helps.
It also makes me think of things I could use help with or make some changes with. At least there is action in that thought rather than just being overwhelmed by emotion, legitimate as it may be.
2 comments:
wow, I'm really impressed with your logication : ) and I like that word: logicate. You sound very professional,like you really know what you're doing in handling your emotions and it seems to have worked for you. Doing this has to be better than looking for a new job,eh? I'm very impressed. Really.
"Logicate" is an excellent word. I am adding it to my dictionary right now. :)
So, after I graduated from BYU in 2003, I got this job that was my worst nightmare. I hated every day because I was working HARD, stressing out, getting yelled at, and caring a lot about the quality of work I performed.
After a few years of that torture, I finally learned how to relax. You just keep telling yourself that the worse that could happen is that you get fired. Somehow, telling myself that over and over again helped me relax enough that I could at least let go of some of my perfection and stress and anxiety while working.
I hope you can find a balance. Stressing at work is NOT fun. Trust me, I've been there and I feel your pain!
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