Important Discoveries

This moment is as it should be because the universe is as it should be,
Which means I am able to create a response
With no need to defend myself
And my desires will bloom.

A fish doesn't try to swim, it just swims.
A flower doesn't try to bloom, it just blooms.

I have been studying a book mom loaned me by Deepak Chopra. As far as I know, it is an eastern almost Taoist or Buddhist way of thinking. It presents 7 laws for success. I have been trying to focus on one each week. This week's lesson I have summarized for myself above.
When you are established in the knowledge of your true self, you can just be, like the fish and flowers.

As I read and wrote tonight, it all felt so clear. I am not here by accident. Everything in my life has led up to this and it's as it should be because the universe is as it should be. If that is true, it doesn't matter what my past is, I am responsible (able to respond- how's that for a definition!?) to create my future.

Last Sunday I went to church with Mom and Dad. A woman I knew there asked if I was still teaching at the college. When I explained what had happened and that I was no longer there, she asked if I miss it. I said yes and that I sometimes think about getting my teaching license so I could be a teacher at high school or junior high. She is a teacher, turns out in elementary, and simply said "well, come spend a day with me first" then explained that she puts in 60 hours a week then goes home and does homework and is looking forward to retirement. Somehow talking to her felt like one of the answers I went for. I even felt a certain relief as if someone was giving me permission to not want that anymore.
A day or two later, I read in the paper about the teacher shortage here. It was online so I was also able to read reader's comments and a few actually sounded intelligent. I wondered, if someone offered me to walk in a classroom and be a teacher at the end of August if I would take it. No. Perhaps that's more of a fear response and a feeling of not being prepared. But I think, at least for this week, I've found something.
Tonight as I pondered my reading, I realized something. I decided to be a mathematician, not a teacher, when I started college. I have already made that decision. I don't need to make it again now or every time I get bored or confused or want to do more with my life. I decided to be a mathematician. Now, let that decision bloom.