TMI (Too Much Information)?

There was a time in my life when I thought having the love of your life within hearing distance of you throwing up (or any other loud, smelly, yucky feeling bodily functions) would be the worst thing in the world. But alas, it has happened to me and I survived it. Surprisingly, I just wanted to hurry and clean myself up so that I could go to him and be held and comforted. Now THAT's love :)

Not to gross anyone out with unnecessary details but by Wednesday night I was pretty darn sick. It had started out as girl stuff and I thought I'd just had a rough day at work. One of those days when the little dumb things stress you out more than when big problems come up. I was able to sleep that night by just getting in a comfortable fetal position and not moving the whole night. When I woke up Thursday, I thought I was feeling much better. I took the dog out and got in the shower and by then my heart was racing and I felt miserable. At certain times, I thought the shower was helping, but when I got out, I'd barely dried off before throwing up from the very bottom of my toes. It was like the kind that you wonder if you'll stop breathing or stop barfing first. You catch your breath and then go again. YUCK!!!! Shortly after, Jeff got home from work and I just sat with him for a long time.

So, my real point in writing this is to analyze myself and my... we'll just call it "work ethic." I was sick enough yesterday that I would have called in sick if it wasn't for the fact that my supervisor, the one I'm told is the only other person to really know my job, is out of town for a funeral. Not only would there be no one to do my job, leaving other people without work because what I do gives them their work, but I am also supposed to do a couple jobs to cover my supervisor. I really felt I had no choice but to just get to work and get things done. I told myself it only had to be minimal and then I'd ask to go home early. And that's what happened.
As you know, I often drive Jeff to work at night. When I asked him Wednesday to drive himself and if he was okay with it, he said that was fine. What's not fine is that I'll be this sick and still go to work. I was too tired and yucky to try to explain why I felt I HAD to be here. I could tell Thursday morning that he was... I don't know. Not mad at me, but kinda... disappointed. Of course I feel like that's selfish. I'm sick and suffering and he's disappointed that I'm not making it a holiday? Actually, from conversations, I think he just feels like I"m too hard on myself, make the job more important than anything else, and maybe even feels bad that I don't let him take care of me. There sure is a lot for me to learn here.
And here's the interesting part. When I asked my boss if I could go home early, she was so nice. She really is one of the nicest people I've ever met. She was genuinely concerned. I told her I'd had a rough morning but thought I better just get there. She gave me her cell phone number and insisted I call her today (Friday) if I needed to because she had the day off but with my supervisor being gone she would come in. When I said I didn't think I could miss Friday, it's a big day for us and especially with the other girl being gone, she so sincerely and simply said "but if you're sick, you're sick."
Honestly, I had no idea that anyone would think that way. I feel like I miss too much. I laid there for like an hour before coming to work Thursday trying to figure out if there was ANY way I could not be here. It just didn't make any sense in my head that I could. Sure, if I died in a car accident on my way here, they'd figure something out. But the fact that I could get up and walk around made it certainly feasible for me to come to work. Not that I would expect that of anyone else. Because my boss is so nice that way, I don't want to slack off at all and I think that's a good thing. Maybe it makes her more effective as a boss. But really, I could have stayed home?!?!?! I didn't even dare tell Jeff because he'd just say I told you so.
Perhaps, if I didn't feel like I miss frequently for dumb reasons (like when my car wouldn't start and I had no way to get here), I'd be more likely to call in. Maybe my supervisor being gone etc, was a good reason to just tough it out. But the thing is, and what I think bothers Jeff, is that there's always something like that. It's hard for me. Being like this is what got me through school and the hard things I had to do. In a way, I think it's kept me safe- from emotions? or getting in trouble- like I'm not the rebellious one, I'm the good one? I don't really know. I do believe it's kept me as Dad's "favorite." I'm just like him. I've earned his approval/love. He's proud of me. But what if I don't want to be like this? What if people don't think this way? Someone out there help me fix how I think! (And, for the record, that's all Jeff is trying to do).