Time won't give me time

As a child, the passing of time is marked by moments. Each birthday is celebrated and the start of every school year brings new friends, new teachers, new clothes, a whole new grade. The older we get, the faster time goes and, it seems, without much pomp and circumstance.
My memories of college seem so fresh. I still think about people I knew, things I studied, tests I took. Then I realize it has now been SEVEN years since I graduated! I can't even believe it. The years have all blurred together and I don't know when anything happened.
It's been over two years since I started dating Jeff. At that time, my job at the college was suddenly disappearing. Management at that school changed at least once a year and the most recent brought with it a president that, before it seemed anyone had even met him, decided it was more cost effective (the ills of working at a "for profit" school) to wipe out a lot of the general ed courses. Students were still required to take them, he just thought they could get them done with online classes etc. (ie. the students pay for the classes but the college doesn't have to pay instructors).
With my job disappearing and my 30th birthday coming in mere months, I felt a change was coming. I was starting to feel, in a positive way, that I had nothing to hold onto and I could go and/or do anything I wanted. Of course I again considered a teaching license so I could get a "real" teaching job at a high school or junior high. But, as always, I also wondered what else was out there. I even started looking at going to school for things other than teaching- maybe I should become an engineer or architect and use my math for something. Dad was still living in Arkansas and I wondered of the possibilities of moving there and having some sort of life adventure.
But in came Jeffrey and I suddenly had someone very wonderful to hold onto.
And I needed money for rent and bills etc. I had to get a "job" even if my intent was not to stay with it forever. So I did. I actually had a couple jobs before settling at the newspaper. The job here was interesting enough and paid enough when I started and in just over a year and a half, I've had raises, promotions, health insurance and 401k and things seem to be going along just fine. In a way, I feel like my job became secondary to my life, which was a nice feeling. I was caught up in getting married, starting a home and family (even if it only consists of me, him and the dog) and so job wise, everything is fine.
On the other hand, sometimes, especially lately, I feel like wait! Time is flying by. I'll have have been here two years at the end of September and I could have really done something with that time (forgetting that I DID do something- marriage is a big deal isn't it?). The other day I was feeling kind of down and as I stood in the shower with the rythm and warmth of the water running over me, I tried to think of good things. I tried to focus on what I've accomplished and what I want to be doing.
My thoughts went back to college, in particular to some physics classes/tests I had to take. There were two classes making a full year of one course. They were some of the hardest classes anyone majoring in any of the "hard" sciences had to take. We'd spend hours daily studying and working and trying to just pass the tests. Every other Friday, our hour long class was scheduled for an hour and half in a different room for our exams. We were assigned seats and had a half dozen or so graduate students watching over us to prevent cheating. The front page of the test had about 10 "easy" questions that you had to get absolutely right or you got no credit at all. On each of the three remaining pages was one question per page. The one question may have multiple parts, but it took a whole page to write your answer (and when I say write, I don't mean like write an essay, I mean write out mathematical solutions and physics principles to support it). Each question was worth 20-25 points and you would get partial credit for showing different parts of the solution. It was rare for anyone I knew to ever get ALL the credit for one question. It was hard stuff and yet the friends I made in those classes, and even thinking back to the studying, were some of the best people and times in my life. I earned a lot of self fulfillment just surviving those courses.
And that's my point. I sit here at the office day after day, sometimes feeling like I'm doing a good job but a lot of time feeling like I still don't know stuff. And it's not that I'm not smart, it's that I haven't learned it. And there's not really time or possibility to really study and learn. I am a smart person. I'm always afraid of admitting that because I know people that are so much wiser than I am. But, that I could even think about the stuff I did in college means that I can think. So what am I doing with myself?
Sometimes I think about teaching and I miss it. I've always wanted to teach and I'm good at it and I love it. Other times I think about it and feel like I only go back to it because it's all I know how to think about. I don't know what else is out there and I don't know if I'd have the nerve to go for it if I did.
I've wanted more than anything to become a mother. I believe in the old fashioned woman who makes a home and raises the children and feeds the husband. I want that life more than anything. Hopefully, it will happen for us sometime soon.
I think it's time for me to do something. I don't even know what's out there though. I don't know how to make it all come together.