Okay, so wishing pain on someone is not a good thing. Enjoying thinking about them in discomfort is even worse. I wasn't TOO serious, but it really did help my day yesterday to think this way. From Mudder's comment and the conversation I had with Jeff about it, perhaps it's just a coping mechanism. I don't REALLY like to see people hurting or even uncomfortable. And I think the real point was, I want to feel appreciated.
I have at times in my life realized how much I NEED approval and recognition. This surprises me because I really do hate the spot light, I'm uncomfortable around other people, and I think I automatically play off compliments because I just don't like people thinking about me. But, in a work or school environment, if I'm not told I'm doing a good job, I think it means I'm doing a bad job. In relationships, if I'm not told the other person loves me, wants me there, etc, I worry that they don't. What a hard person to live with!
But my real point was that I've been discovering lately that I'm not and never have been as horrible of a person as I think I am. All my great and attrocious "sins" are really not so bad. Even my big evil wicked thoughts I was almost too embarrassed to post, are not so harsh. Maybe I just need to take myself more lightly? Maybe that would help in my need for acknowledgement?
1 comment:
It's not easy to feel unappreciated. After all, what are we here for? It's innate to need recognition and verification. Everyone and everything needs that.
Plus, how can you know how you're doing if you don't bounce that off others once in awhile. We are naturally social. You can't go around just not needing to respond to somebody. And if someone doesn't give you that attention you will start giving it to yourself, but not as kindly.
I think you should love yourself and then just let everyone you know come to see how wonderful you are.
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