Perhaps it sounds worldly, but my car is one of my most prized material possessions. Not because it's really cool or fancy or expensive, but because I worked hard to get it and it's mine. I didn't get a car until I graduated from college and had a good job. And I had it nearly paid off by the time I got married. I took such good care of my car. Regular trips to the doctor (ie. Jiffy Lube). Regular baths. Etc etc. It truly saddened me that it was so dirty today. So dirty that there are some places I don't know if I'll ever get clean.
What happened???
I started writing the following a couple weeks ago, but couldn't get anywhere with it:
As I lay in bed the other night, I was thinking of all the things in my life that just aren't me. This wasn't as negative as it sounds, I was actually being constructive. But how can I claim that things aren't me, when all the choices and their consequences are obviously falling around me? So I started thinking of what I think I am and what I used to be...
I always paid my bills on time. I never overdrew my checkbook. I had near perfect credit with nearly no debt. I had credit cards but my biggest fault was that I would use them to get something I wanted or needed rather than saving up and using cash. But I would always stop after I got so far- no where near the limits on the things- and pay it off before I would use it again.
I always went to church, paid my tithing, had callings, said my prayers, read scriptures.
I used to exercise and eat vegetables... at least I tried. I did my hair and wore make-up and nice clothes. I came to appreciate my body and be happy with how I looked. My confidence came from the inside and it started to show on the outside. I felt good about me.
I cleaned my house and took pride, in the right kind of way, in how it looked and felt to be there.
Things are different now. Sometimes it feels like things are just a big mess- especially financially. I have hope and feel like we are getting back on track and sometimes I even feel okay about everything.
I always paid my bills on time. I never overdrew my checkbook. I had near perfect credit with nearly no debt. I had credit cards but my biggest fault was that I would use them to get something I wanted or needed rather than saving up and using cash. But I would always stop after I got so far- no where near the limits on the things- and pay it off before I would use it again.
I always went to church, paid my tithing, had callings, said my prayers, read scriptures.
I used to exercise and eat vegetables... at least I tried. I did my hair and wore make-up and nice clothes. I came to appreciate my body and be happy with how I looked. My confidence came from the inside and it started to show on the outside. I felt good about me.
I cleaned my house and took pride, in the right kind of way, in how it looked and felt to be there.
Things are different now. Sometimes it feels like things are just a big mess- especially financially. I have hope and feel like we are getting back on track and sometimes I even feel okay about everything.
It was kind of good for me to clean the car today. It made me feel like I was taking charge and realize that this is NOT how I am, this is NOT the way I do things and so... I'm not going to anymore.
3 comments:
Apparantly you wrote this a couple of weeks ago. Did you clean your car just today? It feels so good to do something like that. Mine gets loaded with those papers now and all kinds of trash. When we go out to deliver I feel like something dragged out from under the bed. I really hope that's not the real me. You have to admit that there are a lot of environmental forces working against us constantly everyday that often don't allow us to be the way we really want to be. Perhaps the good thing is that when we were on our own, we could manage well and do the right thing. We just moved up to the next level of responsibility to learn even more about personal management.....what fun eh? I want to say Don't Give Up or You're still in there. You are of course, but we can really get shoved to the side. This should lead to a blog, shouldn't it? Oh yes, you just posted yours.
Good for you! Decide who you are and be that person! I am a calm person that doesn't worry too much about anything. So that is what I am going to work on being! Love you lots and lots!
I feel like we are in the same boat singing the same song. Lol. I didn't clean my car today, but I took some time to work on a project I wanted to do, and that felt good.
In the meantime, I had all of those traits you talked about financially, socially, etc...and now its all been thrown out the window. Marriage and children seem to make everything crazy and more difficult.
Post a Comment