I walked in on the end of Oprah today. It was about child molesters. In the part I caught, Oprah was telling people that they can teach their kids, therefore protect them, by telling them that they have control over their bodies and if something doesn't feel right, it's okay to say no. She said that a 5 year old doesn't know how to do this but when they are older, it's important that they have the words etc. By "empowering" kids this way, they can protect themselves because a molester doesn't want a fuss. If you "don't let" him, he'll go find an easier victim and leave you alone.
This is probably good advice for kids to know.
But it bothered me what it implies about anyone who has been hurt this way. Like if you were old enough to "know" better and you didn't say anything it's kind of your own fault. Also, I've heard it's common for victims to think they are saving the perpetrator from hurting anyone else, like younger siblings, by taking the abuse themselves. By refusing, they might just be sending him to hurt someone else and they wouldn't want that to happen.
2 comments:
Hmm..interesting...and I agree...that the statement could be hurtful to those who had experienced something like that.
We were also watching that Oprah today about the sex offenders, but just the beginning of it. We were both very shocked and surprised to see that they were visiting OUR little town for the ferry ride over to McNeil Island...which we can see from our beach. I didn't know that is where they house ALL of the dangerous sex predators...I thought it was a prison..but not THAT kind of place. Ugh.
.....but I still love it here and I love living next to the beach. *sigh*
I would think that it's important to teach your children that they CAN do something right at that moment. The defenselessness comes, perhaps, because the victim simply does not know what to do. I wonder if you told him/her to scream or run or even yell a secret code word wouldn't be just as effective. I fear that what happens in these instances, as well as instances for older victims, is that the victim is caught off-gaurd and simply doesn't know what to do. It reminds me of a time when two strangers showed up at my door and wanted to look at the house[duplex] we were living in. They were from a Real Estate and might be buying the building. Basically they just pushed their way in and proceeded to look at the house. I just stood there, in shock, basically, not knowing what to do. Fortunately, they really were from a Real Estate and were soon out of there. But I've remembered since then, you need to know what to do and what to say because you won't have time to think it over.
I think the strategy is the same no matter what your age or who you are. You need to have a plan and know what you'll do. Most vicitims are caught off-gaurd. That's part of the plan.
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