Accidentally in Love

The words and tune are awesome! So happy. So what falling in love should be. You're just going along and suddenly find yourself so connected to this person that you can't live without them. There's a deepness to it, but a happiness to it. The song says something like a "snowball running... can't explain it but I can't ignore it."

I had a philosophy instructor in college ask if we fall or jump into love. When he called on me, I said I thought we walk really close to the edge and hope to be pushed. He thought this was brilliant. So brilliant in fact that a year later in a different class at a different college, he remembered me and told me how brilliant it was and that he tells every class what I said when he gets to that lecture/discussion.

Falling, jumping, walking the edge, happening by accident as if fate or destiny or some power beyond yourself is in control was perfect when I was in high school and I'd get up in the morning looking forward to the one class when I could walk down the one hallway to see the one guy I'd been hoping to see all day. "Love" was emotionally and hormonally charged and everything was intense. This was even better when I was in college and the person I was really falling in love with was myself. Having confidence, I could truly give of myself and fall for someone for who he really was and knowing him on the inside. And, perfectly, I think I accidentally fell in love when I met my husband. One day it was like being hit in the head with how much I enjoyed talking to this person and how sad I was to see him leave for the night. The flirtations came naturally, unplanned, unguarded, no games, no plans. And the deepness just happened. The trust, the desire, the closeness. No work, no effort, no show. Just natural.

Could I accidentally fall in love now? I don't think so. My heart is committed elsewhere and I'm simply not walking that edge. Logically, in some way, I guess it makes sense when people say something, an affair, cheating, leaving your lover for another, just happened. Perhaps you work on a project with someone at work or school and feelings develop as you get to know them. Maybe an old flame comes back and reignites something. Or a friend gets a bit too close. But to make love out of this?

Love is more than a feeling, it's an action. Like I said, my heart is taken, so I just don't get it. But even setting that aside, you would have to choose to take that step. Even if all you chose was to walk the edge where your life no longer belongs.