Expectorant

(I can really tell what kind of a day I'm having/mood I'm in by the things I find funny. I find my title wonderfully creative, a bit sarcastic, clever and oh so funny. That should tell you what kind of a day this has been :) )
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When I was born,
they looked at me and said,
what a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy...

When you were born,
they looked at you and said,
what a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl...

We've got these chains
hangin round our necks,
people wanna strangle us with 'em, before we take our first breath

Afraid of change,
Afraid of stayin the same,
When temptation calls, we just look away....
BNL

This is one of my all time favorite songs EVER. Anyone who knows me knows all the expectations I feel, my need to please others, my almost abusive behavior toward myself to be what I'm "supposed" to be. This song speaks to those concerns.
The lines about love and "be with me tonight" have always resonated with me. Was I going to be so hard on myself, so rigid in my life, that even love was a temptation and something I tried to "do right?" It wasn't fair to me or to the other person to hold so tightly to this false front of being what I thought everyone else wanted; of never being truly myself. Falling in love, meeting that person, proved these feelings more than I would have guessed listening to this song prior to meeting him.
BNL is one of the best bands ever. I love their music for music's sake. I love their poetry and lyrics. They seem often to double play words and you'll be listening to something all upbeat and silly and then realize the words could mean something else and it becomes very profound. That's what I love about poetry anyway... it's feelings that people relate to, not the actual event or goings-on.
I love this song for what it says to me. It's like when I hear a song that speaks to me, it somehow not only validates my feelings, but gives me the permission (as one who lives under the weight of expectation would need) to express them or even just to have them. And then it frees me to "give in to the temptation" to just be myself, to let go of the expectations, even simply (or not so simply for some of us) to love someone else. (See, expectorant- to cause to expel or get rid of- doesn't seem like such an odd title now does it?)

Anyway, I was listening to this song over and over on the way to and from work the other day. Thinking about my baby, I don't want to put that weight of expectation on him/her. I just want to love him and teach him to be his own person and to be happy. There is so much to experience and do in life! It can be such an exciting place.
As I listened to the song, these ideals and hopes I've had for myself as a parent were more real than ever and I fear how I will give them to someone else when I've struggled (and still do) to let myself have them.
And I wondered about expectations. I want my baby to know she is the most beautiful, smart, wonderful girl in the whole world. I want him to be strong and brave and able to do anything he wants. That right there is the very thing the song starts out with. Before we even take our first breaths, people are labeling, defining us... even with the best of intentions.