Random Stuff

I'm pretty sure I had a good post going through my head this morning but I can't for the life of me find it...

I've been struggling with some anger issues lately. Don't know how much to say. It's been interesting I guess. Some days I feel like I will learn so much if I can learn how to deal with this. I don't mean like anger management/go to a happy place and count to ten. I mean like if I can learn to express myself without bursting into tears or throwing things across the hall. Some days I walk and I pray and if I really try, I don't have to think about things and I can feel good and focus on the life I want to be living. Other days, it just feels too hard to try. Unfortunately, I've found that caffeine is a good medicine too. It's really sad that a substance can alter my moods so tremendously. I would blame sleep deprivation on my lacking ability to control any emotion so then it makes sense that a shot of caffeine would perk me up and help me deal, but it feels so much more than that. Seriously, I feel like I did when I took Zoloft... except it only lasts a few hours and then I feel like I'm going to be sick. So I'm trying to not get hooked on the stuff.

But life is not all about this either. I suppose I keep trying to talk about things as a way of getting control. On a happy note, Rayne is walking a lot now! She is so cute I can't stand it! My mother in law has these cute moose and bear wine glass slippers. That's what they look like anyway is slippers. You put them on the base of your glass I think to keep track of whose glass is whose. Anyway, Jeff showed Rayne to wear them as slippers and when she just couldn't make that work, she put them on her hands. She walks and sometimes crawls all over the house with her slipper hands. It's really cute. She also loves to run by the couch as I squeal "I'm gonna get you!" Sometimes she runs away from me, sometimes she runs toward me and falls into my lap so I can tickle her. She gets a bit too enthusiastic sometimes and falls continuously into my lap, the couch, the chair, the floor. I'm surprised she doesn't cry more about it, but she just keeps going. Her dad has also taught her the word "puppy" rather than dog and she has two stuffed puppies she has been carrying everywhere. She tries to drink from any cup or bottle I do and the other day kept putting her baby doll to the bottle so she could drink too. Yesterday, we stopped and talked to four cows who were having their breakfast. Then we met a skinny but pretty black dog who walked us all the way home. And today, I saw the peacocks more up close, but Rayne couldn't see past all the stuff in the yard to see them.

Jeff is home from school now. I will go feed him something.