I used to really believe in "meant to be." I thought that by doing the right thing, going to the right party, the right school, the right job, I was putting myself in the right place for whatever was "meant to be" to happen. I thought choosing the right meant there was a right and a wrong to EVERY question and I had to figure out some out-in-the-universe direction for my life.
I was thinking about a lot of things from my past yesterday. What I realized is that when I thought something was meant to be, it relied on someone else's action (ie. choice) to make it happen. So, when I thought I was waiting for divine intervention and order from the universe, I was really just giving my power (of choice etc) to other people. This probably doesn't sound profound to anyone else, but it gave me a lot of insight into my life.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Random Stuff
I'm pretty sure I had a good post going through my head this morning but I can't for the life of me find it...
I've been struggling with some anger issues lately. Don't know how much to say. It's been interesting I guess. Some days I feel like I will learn so much if I can learn how to deal with this. I don't mean like anger management/go to a happy place and count to ten. I mean like if I can learn to express myself without bursting into tears or throwing things across the hall. Some days I walk and I pray and if I really try, I don't have to think about things and I can feel good and focus on the life I want to be living. Other days, it just feels too hard to try. Unfortunately, I've found that caffeine is a good medicine too. It's really sad that a substance can alter my moods so tremendously. I would blame sleep deprivation on my lacking ability to control any emotion so then it makes sense that a shot of caffeine would perk me up and help me deal, but it feels so much more than that. Seriously, I feel like I did when I took Zoloft... except it only lasts a few hours and then I feel like I'm going to be sick. So I'm trying to not get hooked on the stuff.
But life is not all about this either. I suppose I keep trying to talk about things as a way of getting control. On a happy note, Rayne is walking a lot now! She is so cute I can't stand it! My mother in law has these cute moose and bear wine glass slippers. That's what they look like anyway is slippers. You put them on the base of your glass I think to keep track of whose glass is whose. Anyway, Jeff showed Rayne to wear them as slippers and when she just couldn't make that work, she put them on her hands. She walks and sometimes crawls all over the house with her slipper hands. It's really cute. She also loves to run by the couch as I squeal "I'm gonna get you!" Sometimes she runs away from me, sometimes she runs toward me and falls into my lap so I can tickle her. She gets a bit too enthusiastic sometimes and falls continuously into my lap, the couch, the chair, the floor. I'm surprised she doesn't cry more about it, but she just keeps going. Her dad has also taught her the word "puppy" rather than dog and she has two stuffed puppies she has been carrying everywhere. She tries to drink from any cup or bottle I do and the other day kept putting her baby doll to the bottle so she could drink too. Yesterday, we stopped and talked to four cows who were having their breakfast. Then we met a skinny but pretty black dog who walked us all the way home. And today, I saw the peacocks more up close, but Rayne couldn't see past all the stuff in the yard to see them.
Jeff is home from school now. I will go feed him something.
I've been struggling with some anger issues lately. Don't know how much to say. It's been interesting I guess. Some days I feel like I will learn so much if I can learn how to deal with this. I don't mean like anger management/go to a happy place and count to ten. I mean like if I can learn to express myself without bursting into tears or throwing things across the hall. Some days I walk and I pray and if I really try, I don't have to think about things and I can feel good and focus on the life I want to be living. Other days, it just feels too hard to try. Unfortunately, I've found that caffeine is a good medicine too. It's really sad that a substance can alter my moods so tremendously. I would blame sleep deprivation on my lacking ability to control any emotion so then it makes sense that a shot of caffeine would perk me up and help me deal, but it feels so much more than that. Seriously, I feel like I did when I took Zoloft... except it only lasts a few hours and then I feel like I'm going to be sick. So I'm trying to not get hooked on the stuff.
But life is not all about this either. I suppose I keep trying to talk about things as a way of getting control. On a happy note, Rayne is walking a lot now! She is so cute I can't stand it! My mother in law has these cute moose and bear wine glass slippers. That's what they look like anyway is slippers. You put them on the base of your glass I think to keep track of whose glass is whose. Anyway, Jeff showed Rayne to wear them as slippers and when she just couldn't make that work, she put them on her hands. She walks and sometimes crawls all over the house with her slipper hands. It's really cute. She also loves to run by the couch as I squeal "I'm gonna get you!" Sometimes she runs away from me, sometimes she runs toward me and falls into my lap so I can tickle her. She gets a bit too enthusiastic sometimes and falls continuously into my lap, the couch, the chair, the floor. I'm surprised she doesn't cry more about it, but she just keeps going. Her dad has also taught her the word "puppy" rather than dog and she has two stuffed puppies she has been carrying everywhere. She tries to drink from any cup or bottle I do and the other day kept putting her baby doll to the bottle so she could drink too. Yesterday, we stopped and talked to four cows who were having their breakfast. Then we met a skinny but pretty black dog who walked us all the way home. And today, I saw the peacocks more up close, but Rayne couldn't see past all the stuff in the yard to see them.
Jeff is home from school now. I will go feed him something.
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Star Gazing
Isn't it awesome
that God would put discovery in the stars
for the scientists and mystery
for the poets?
that God would put discovery in the stars
for the scientists and mystery
for the poets?
Saturday, July 03, 2010
Daily affirmations
I am a woman, a daughter, of God.
I am a mother. I am a wife.
I believe in virtue and kindness and patience.
I honor beauty and the feminine.
I will act with strength, with faith.
I will put in the world what I hope to receive
& the good things I wish were there.
I will try not to fear the ugly, the base, the hurtful and wrong,
for fear gives them life.
Nor will I accept or tolerate those that inflict my life with such.
I will act always with dignity, grace, beauty, and kindness.
I will live and laugh and love.
I will remember how to breathe.
I am a mother. I am a wife.
I believe in virtue and kindness and patience.
I honor beauty and the feminine.
I will act with strength, with faith.
I will put in the world what I hope to receive
& the good things I wish were there.
I will try not to fear the ugly, the base, the hurtful and wrong,
for fear gives them life.
Nor will I accept or tolerate those that inflict my life with such.
I will act always with dignity, grace, beauty, and kindness.
I will live and laugh and love.
I will remember how to breathe.
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