Yesterday it snowed. When I took the dog out this morning, the sky was that color of blue I wrote about yesterday. By the time I took her out again before leaving for work about an hour later, it was completely white. The snow on the trees, ground and carports blended so much with the sky as I stepped up on the landing, I was amazed at how white a world could be. I thought it was breathtaking. I even didn't mind too much when my slipper came off and I stepped bare footed in the snow last night (I got smart and put real shoes on this morning). By the time I left work yesterday, it was dark and coming down quite heavily. Traffic was slow and it was very cold. Except for my nerves driving, I thought it was beautiful!
A lot of people around me at work started to complain as we watched through the windows as the storm developed. Some people got really negative and talked about it not snowing in the valley, keeping it in the mountains and being glad that global warming is going to make this happen. I got so sad and angry. How can people be so ungreatful and negative about what God has given us? I really felt a sinking inside.
Today I heard some of these same people tell another girl who is not married but has a 2 year old son with the guy and is planning a wedding next May, that men never change and they'll never do "what they're supposed to." Later I heard one of their husbands, who also works here, joking that he's not the boss in his house, he just does as he's told. Haha.
This too was very upsetting to me. Maybe that sounds dumb and like I take things too seriously. But what does it say about people when even the most intimate and important of relationships is defined in terms of who's boss and behaving in a way that is satisfactory to the other person? Where is the love and respect in that? And the way I've heard people talk to and about their kids! Again I say, how can people be so ungreatful and negative about what God has given us?
I think I'll go home and wrestle in the snow with my husband and the dog.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Mumsy's Meme
1. If you could choose your own name, what would it be?
When I was a kid I always liked boyish girl names- Casey, Jacey, Cori. I think I thought a more spunky name would help me to be more outgoing and fun. I've since come to really like my name- it suits me and it's pretty. But if I HAD to change it... I think I'd be Annastasia and I could go by Stacy and have both the spunk and the pretty. I also made a character on Jeff's game named Hannaa (the normal ways of spelling it were taken) and it somehow fits. Aren't I clever- they still have Anna in them. I guess it's a good name!
2.Ideally, what age would you be? Do you think, if you try, you can be that age for the rest of your life?
I quit counting when I wasn't married by 25 and then especially when I was married and my hubby is so young! I think, for now, 25 is the perfect age. Old enough to have that well deserved sense of self I worked to find after high school and all that was over, but still young enough to remember the excitement of college and falling in love and discovering yourself. I think you can be whatever is in your head. I REALLY do. Afterall, age is just a measurement of how long we've been on earth. What does that have to do with our eternal soul?
3. Do you read much? What do you like to read about?
I've always thought of myself as a reader but I don't do it as much as I would like and think a smart person should. I love to read little things about science and math and what they've discovered- even health articles on the internet interest me. I also love teen novels. The kind that tell a really good story and get into the workings of people's minds and hearts but still have some of that childlike innocence and belief in happy endings. Recently I've also read more philosophical novels. Oh, and I love historical fiction. I can learn so much if I have characters and settings to attach it to.
4.What is your single favorite fragrance? Do you wear it?
I really love to smell the fresh outdoors. I love spring flowers soft on the wind. I love the more pungent smell of fall leaves. I love to smell fires burning in the winter. And I love the smell of chlorine and coconut sun block in the summer.
I used to love Soft Musk by Avon because it reminded me of my Grandma June but was also good for me to wear. The last I had some it had changed. I like Jovan White Musk as my signature fragrance. I also like food smells- cinammon, vanilla, warm bread or cookies.
5. If you could choose a theme song for your own life, which one would it be? Or who would write it for you?
Joanna by Kool and the Gang of course! I was 6 or 7 when it came out (or at least when I was aware of it) and I would imagine someone someday feeling that way about me. So romantic even at that age. "She's the kind of girl, makes you feel fine..." sexy, soft, feminine, passionate- I want to be all those things! And, I think I've come to like that more important than anything to me is the way those I love feel.
6. Write something about color. What relaxes, excites, expresses you.?etc.
This is a great question! I've always wondered what it is about colors that can reach so deep into your soul and make you feel... something! Yearn for something, feel hungry and thirsty but not even in a physical way, calm you, excite you. It's WONDERFUL!!!!!
I think my favorite color is that dark teal blue the sky goes just after the sun sets. It's a dark blue but you can somehow see light in it still, when the sky is clear. It's not always like that but when it is it just makes me feel.... I don't know! Like jumping into the universe and taking it all on, but still so comletely calm about myself and sure of love and possibility.
Wow. I really enjoyed writing this. Thanks for the great questions Mumsy! So sensual. I feel so much better having had these thoughts!
When I was a kid I always liked boyish girl names- Casey, Jacey, Cori. I think I thought a more spunky name would help me to be more outgoing and fun. I've since come to really like my name- it suits me and it's pretty. But if I HAD to change it... I think I'd be Annastasia and I could go by Stacy and have both the spunk and the pretty. I also made a character on Jeff's game named Hannaa (the normal ways of spelling it were taken) and it somehow fits. Aren't I clever- they still have Anna in them. I guess it's a good name!
2.Ideally, what age would you be? Do you think, if you try, you can be that age for the rest of your life?
I quit counting when I wasn't married by 25 and then especially when I was married and my hubby is so young! I think, for now, 25 is the perfect age. Old enough to have that well deserved sense of self I worked to find after high school and all that was over, but still young enough to remember the excitement of college and falling in love and discovering yourself. I think you can be whatever is in your head. I REALLY do. Afterall, age is just a measurement of how long we've been on earth. What does that have to do with our eternal soul?
3. Do you read much? What do you like to read about?
I've always thought of myself as a reader but I don't do it as much as I would like and think a smart person should. I love to read little things about science and math and what they've discovered- even health articles on the internet interest me. I also love teen novels. The kind that tell a really good story and get into the workings of people's minds and hearts but still have some of that childlike innocence and belief in happy endings. Recently I've also read more philosophical novels. Oh, and I love historical fiction. I can learn so much if I have characters and settings to attach it to.
4.What is your single favorite fragrance? Do you wear it?
I really love to smell the fresh outdoors. I love spring flowers soft on the wind. I love the more pungent smell of fall leaves. I love to smell fires burning in the winter. And I love the smell of chlorine and coconut sun block in the summer.
I used to love Soft Musk by Avon because it reminded me of my Grandma June but was also good for me to wear. The last I had some it had changed. I like Jovan White Musk as my signature fragrance. I also like food smells- cinammon, vanilla, warm bread or cookies.
5. If you could choose a theme song for your own life, which one would it be? Or who would write it for you?
Joanna by Kool and the Gang of course! I was 6 or 7 when it came out (or at least when I was aware of it) and I would imagine someone someday feeling that way about me. So romantic even at that age. "She's the kind of girl, makes you feel fine..." sexy, soft, feminine, passionate- I want to be all those things! And, I think I've come to like that more important than anything to me is the way those I love feel.
6. Write something about color. What relaxes, excites, expresses you.?etc.
This is a great question! I've always wondered what it is about colors that can reach so deep into your soul and make you feel... something! Yearn for something, feel hungry and thirsty but not even in a physical way, calm you, excite you. It's WONDERFUL!!!!!
I think my favorite color is that dark teal blue the sky goes just after the sun sets. It's a dark blue but you can somehow see light in it still, when the sky is clear. It's not always like that but when it is it just makes me feel.... I don't know! Like jumping into the universe and taking it all on, but still so comletely calm about myself and sure of love and possibility.
Wow. I really enjoyed writing this. Thanks for the great questions Mumsy! So sensual. I feel so much better having had these thoughts!
Thursday, November 15, 2007
My Jeffrey
Jeff and I use Blockbuster online. For a monthly fee we can put movies on a list and we are sent, in the mail, up to three at a time. We can keep them as long as we want then return them by mail or take them to the store and exchange them for new movies at no addtional cost. For us, it is worth the payment.
Through this, Jeff has "rented" the first season of the t.v. show Heroes. One of my favorite characters is a Japanese guy named (coincidentally?) Hiro. He has the ability to bend time and space if he concentrates hard enough. He closes his eyes, scrunches up his face and thinks until his face quivers and shakes. He has a sweet, round, baby face and glasses. Most of Hiro and his friend Ando's conversations are in Japanese and subtitled. He speaks fast, loud, and high. He is adorably cute. As Kiki would say, "don't you just want to feed him cookies?"
For some reason, perhaps because of a recent date I saw of Kiki's, I was thinking about dating Hiro. (So glad I'm married and don't really have to think of dating anyone!). As cute as he is, even for people like me who want the sweet type and claim to like nerds, or at least not the stereo typical good looking guy, I wonder how many girls would think of Hiro as their dream guy, even if he could be perfectly wonderful for the right girl. I probably was also thinking of this because a high school friend of mine who married young, after having a baby, and has had all kinds of marital and child trouble is talking about getting remarried. Even when we were 12 or 14, she had a list of what a guy had to be/do in order for her to date him. I wonder if her list has changed much (kid you not, one thing she INSISTED on was the guy be strong enough to pick her up. This was something she could not live without!).
My husband is so wonderfully perfect for me in so many ways. There are things about him that complete me that I wouldn't know to choose or put on my "list" because I wouldn't know what they would do for me until I've experienced them. I know there are things about my husband that if someone described him to me, I'd say, yeah, that's my type. But, I think there are probably other things that I now appreciate so much about him that I would either not know to care about or maybe even be something that would make me say, nah, not my type. And yet, here he is. So perfect.
Jeff is adorably cute. He has a sweet face and pretty eyes and an incredible smile. I love it when his hair gets long and floppy on top. On our first date, he let me feel his soft, smooth hair. I know adorably cute is supposedly not something a "real man" wants to be described as. He is also strong looking. His sweet face is solid and broad. His shoulders are broad and there is nothing like the safety and warmth I feel snuggling into his chest. I've always loved his back/shoulders for their strength. I'm not even scared (too much anyway) when he picks me up and spins me around and throws me on the bed to tickle me. Today he even picked me up upside down- I usually hate that feeling, but I trust him that much (significant for a person afraid of heights and lacking balance).
Jeff believes in being comfortable. He says that when you're comfortable enough to be yourself, your natural beauty comes through and he likes that. I thought I did too so I'm surprised how much he's helped me learn to appreciate it and come to see it better in myself and other people.
Jeff is young and playful. He keeps me from taking things too seriously. Sometimes, I have a hard time with this. Can't you help me be responsible? But, more important, he helps me not be so serious about myself.
Jeff has a mature soul. The things he has seen and experienced in his life give him insight that I don't see in many, if any, people. He can talk to me about things and understand me and he even tells me, when I get chatty, that it's nice to hear me talk- I'm usually a quiet person. He lets me cry and he helps me feel better. He has been so good about taking care of my emotions. Sometimes, when he tells me his secrets and things about him no one else knows or understands, I know that he is a special soul. I believe that there is something, in a spiritual way, important about who he is. When I watched the Star Wars movie where Annakin goes to the dark side, it made me think a lot about Jeff. There is a battle for him and he knows it's harder to be a Jedi, but he is my Jedi hero.
There have been things that maybe aren't a big deal but they bother me and I worry about them and when I finally have worked up the courage to tell Jeff I don't want them in our life, he has been so good about saying "okay." I hesitate to ask him, never wanting to "make" him do or not do anything. But, when I have told him how I feel, he supports me by going along with what's important to me.
Jeff is not a member of my church. I never thought I would marry someone outside of my faith. I have always felt so strongly that temples and forever are a reality. I have reasons to believe that Jeff is right for me, even that God gave us to each other and said this is good. Admittedly, I sometimes worry about the church thing and if I made the right choice, but when I ask Heavenly Father about it, there is always a very positive answer that comes. This is where I belong. And somehow, even this, is something that completes me. I don't know how to explain it. Even in this way, Jeff makes me a stronger, better person. I think we will be great parents because our kids will learn about so many different things- philosophies and religions, art, science, culture, music, poetry. I think it's important to have this broad and open view of the world.
Jeff is my everything. I am a better, happier person because I have him. Sometimes I hold him or just touch him or look at him and I am overwhelmed that I have someone so wonderful as a part of me.
Through this, Jeff has "rented" the first season of the t.v. show Heroes. One of my favorite characters is a Japanese guy named (coincidentally?) Hiro. He has the ability to bend time and space if he concentrates hard enough. He closes his eyes, scrunches up his face and thinks until his face quivers and shakes. He has a sweet, round, baby face and glasses. Most of Hiro and his friend Ando's conversations are in Japanese and subtitled. He speaks fast, loud, and high. He is adorably cute. As Kiki would say, "don't you just want to feed him cookies?"
For some reason, perhaps because of a recent date I saw of Kiki's, I was thinking about dating Hiro. (So glad I'm married and don't really have to think of dating anyone!). As cute as he is, even for people like me who want the sweet type and claim to like nerds, or at least not the stereo typical good looking guy, I wonder how many girls would think of Hiro as their dream guy, even if he could be perfectly wonderful for the right girl. I probably was also thinking of this because a high school friend of mine who married young, after having a baby, and has had all kinds of marital and child trouble is talking about getting remarried. Even when we were 12 or 14, she had a list of what a guy had to be/do in order for her to date him. I wonder if her list has changed much (kid you not, one thing she INSISTED on was the guy be strong enough to pick her up. This was something she could not live without!).
My husband is so wonderfully perfect for me in so many ways. There are things about him that complete me that I wouldn't know to choose or put on my "list" because I wouldn't know what they would do for me until I've experienced them. I know there are things about my husband that if someone described him to me, I'd say, yeah, that's my type. But, I think there are probably other things that I now appreciate so much about him that I would either not know to care about or maybe even be something that would make me say, nah, not my type. And yet, here he is. So perfect.
Jeff is adorably cute. He has a sweet face and pretty eyes and an incredible smile. I love it when his hair gets long and floppy on top. On our first date, he let me feel his soft, smooth hair. I know adorably cute is supposedly not something a "real man" wants to be described as. He is also strong looking. His sweet face is solid and broad. His shoulders are broad and there is nothing like the safety and warmth I feel snuggling into his chest. I've always loved his back/shoulders for their strength. I'm not even scared (too much anyway) when he picks me up and spins me around and throws me on the bed to tickle me. Today he even picked me up upside down- I usually hate that feeling, but I trust him that much (significant for a person afraid of heights and lacking balance).
Jeff believes in being comfortable. He says that when you're comfortable enough to be yourself, your natural beauty comes through and he likes that. I thought I did too so I'm surprised how much he's helped me learn to appreciate it and come to see it better in myself and other people.
Jeff is young and playful. He keeps me from taking things too seriously. Sometimes, I have a hard time with this. Can't you help me be responsible? But, more important, he helps me not be so serious about myself.
Jeff has a mature soul. The things he has seen and experienced in his life give him insight that I don't see in many, if any, people. He can talk to me about things and understand me and he even tells me, when I get chatty, that it's nice to hear me talk- I'm usually a quiet person. He lets me cry and he helps me feel better. He has been so good about taking care of my emotions. Sometimes, when he tells me his secrets and things about him no one else knows or understands, I know that he is a special soul. I believe that there is something, in a spiritual way, important about who he is. When I watched the Star Wars movie where Annakin goes to the dark side, it made me think a lot about Jeff. There is a battle for him and he knows it's harder to be a Jedi, but he is my Jedi hero.
There have been things that maybe aren't a big deal but they bother me and I worry about them and when I finally have worked up the courage to tell Jeff I don't want them in our life, he has been so good about saying "okay." I hesitate to ask him, never wanting to "make" him do or not do anything. But, when I have told him how I feel, he supports me by going along with what's important to me.
Jeff is not a member of my church. I never thought I would marry someone outside of my faith. I have always felt so strongly that temples and forever are a reality. I have reasons to believe that Jeff is right for me, even that God gave us to each other and said this is good. Admittedly, I sometimes worry about the church thing and if I made the right choice, but when I ask Heavenly Father about it, there is always a very positive answer that comes. This is where I belong. And somehow, even this, is something that completes me. I don't know how to explain it. Even in this way, Jeff makes me a stronger, better person. I think we will be great parents because our kids will learn about so many different things- philosophies and religions, art, science, culture, music, poetry. I think it's important to have this broad and open view of the world.
Jeff is my everything. I am a better, happier person because I have him. Sometimes I hold him or just touch him or look at him and I am overwhelmed that I have someone so wonderful as a part of me.
Monday, November 12, 2007
I am a Rock
I've never thought of myself as a lazy person. I feel very good about myself having made it through college- it was hard and I did a good job. I have other accomplishments that I am proud of, even the ones other people might not recognize.
I have a counted cross stitch Santa Claus piece I've been "working on" for a long time. It's hard because the squares are tiny, a lot of the colors blend into the color of the canvas, and it's a rather large picture. I haven't done much with counted cross stitch before and even when I got it and started working on it, I thought I would lose interest in it quickly because the colors are subdued and it would be hard.
I like to work on things like this when I listen to conference. It helps me to focus and I remember things better for some reason. So, I got out the Santa Claus piece this last conference weekend. As I worked at it, I thought that I've never done anything hard. That doesn't make sense because I have done hard things. But... it's like I've never done anything unless I was told I was good at it or it was, at least in some way, comfortable.
I decided that I'm going to finish this piece and make it pretty and display it in my home for years. I've worked on it a lot lately. It will take a lot of time and patience. I make a lot of mistakes but then I work with them and/or fix them. I'm enjoying it greatly.
I've also started recently doing yoga. Not easy, breathe and meditate yoga; heavy duty, you wouldn't believe how much mental and physical strength and energy it takes yoga. I'm not always good at it, but I work with my mistakes, I keep trying. Everyday (it's only been a week) I feel a bit stronger. Everyday I feel better at it. And the feeling lasts all day. I feel strong and in control all day. I sit up straight and my back doesn't hurt so much at work. My mind is mine- I guess that sounds funny but I'm not nearly as bothered by the "voices" and stresses I usually hear. I'm loving it too.
I have things in my life that I've thought were there because I'm strong. Kind of like the idea that God gives challenges to his strong people not because they need the trial but because they can do good- the parents with a handicap child for example. But sometimes I worry that I'm failing. I worry that I'm not strong enough or at all. Perhaps what I don't realize is that I can make mistakes, I can try again, I can fix them or just work with them.
Today my husband talked about a possiblity for our future. It's something hard and scary. It feels like something that for some reason I go, oh, that's what I've been preparing for in my life. I don't know if I could be strong enough. But, maybe like cross stitch and yoga and all the other big and small things in my life, you just keep going. You keep trying. You decide to do a good job even if it's hard. And maybe then you will be blessed with enjoying it. With peace and happiness.
I have a counted cross stitch Santa Claus piece I've been "working on" for a long time. It's hard because the squares are tiny, a lot of the colors blend into the color of the canvas, and it's a rather large picture. I haven't done much with counted cross stitch before and even when I got it and started working on it, I thought I would lose interest in it quickly because the colors are subdued and it would be hard.
I like to work on things like this when I listen to conference. It helps me to focus and I remember things better for some reason. So, I got out the Santa Claus piece this last conference weekend. As I worked at it, I thought that I've never done anything hard. That doesn't make sense because I have done hard things. But... it's like I've never done anything unless I was told I was good at it or it was, at least in some way, comfortable.
I decided that I'm going to finish this piece and make it pretty and display it in my home for years. I've worked on it a lot lately. It will take a lot of time and patience. I make a lot of mistakes but then I work with them and/or fix them. I'm enjoying it greatly.
I've also started recently doing yoga. Not easy, breathe and meditate yoga; heavy duty, you wouldn't believe how much mental and physical strength and energy it takes yoga. I'm not always good at it, but I work with my mistakes, I keep trying. Everyday (it's only been a week) I feel a bit stronger. Everyday I feel better at it. And the feeling lasts all day. I feel strong and in control all day. I sit up straight and my back doesn't hurt so much at work. My mind is mine- I guess that sounds funny but I'm not nearly as bothered by the "voices" and stresses I usually hear. I'm loving it too.
I have things in my life that I've thought were there because I'm strong. Kind of like the idea that God gives challenges to his strong people not because they need the trial but because they can do good- the parents with a handicap child for example. But sometimes I worry that I'm failing. I worry that I'm not strong enough or at all. Perhaps what I don't realize is that I can make mistakes, I can try again, I can fix them or just work with them.
Today my husband talked about a possiblity for our future. It's something hard and scary. It feels like something that for some reason I go, oh, that's what I've been preparing for in my life. I don't know if I could be strong enough. But, maybe like cross stitch and yoga and all the other big and small things in my life, you just keep going. You keep trying. You decide to do a good job even if it's hard. And maybe then you will be blessed with enjoying it. With peace and happiness.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Kill 'em With Kindness (a dog tale)
My husband works in security, graveyard shift. For the last couple months until I'm not sure when, he has to go back to work on Wednesday afternoon for a First Responders Training Course. He is learning lots about how to take charge in an emergency situation. Because of this, our dog gets left home alone for a few hours. She is neurotic and does not handle this well.
We got the dog (her name is Niobe) from Jeff's dad's family. She is house trained and well behaved. She is a really sweet dog. She snuggles up to me when we go to bed at night and one time, when I was crying, she looked at me so concerned and licked me and tried to make it better. In the last few weeks, I've decided she is MY dog. I've had a lot more patience with her and taken ownership of her. I don't mean she's mine and not Jeff's; she's definitely OURS in that way. But I mean... her past life I guess.
Anyway, in spite of what a good dog she is, she has a very hard time being alone. The few times we've left her- to go out on the weekend, when Jeff goes to class, etc- we come home to a mess in our house. It's upset me because this is exactly the reason why I didn't want a pet. I don't want my house to be stinky and dirty. The other day, she had a problem when I made her go back in the house and I went out to meet Jeff when he got home for work- she was alone for literally two minutes! It was very frustrating.
I usually get home before Jeff does on Wednesday's. I've had to deal not only with the mess but also with the dog freaking out so badly it scares me. She barks, she whines, she jumps, she walks in circles, not to be crude, but she goes "potty" and doesn't even know it. It has scared me a few times and made me want to cry because I don't know what to do to calm her down and I don't know what's happened to make her so nervous.
I decided to take the approach that she's scared and needs comfort. For the last few weeks, I take her immediately outside and I sit on the grass and hold her and talk softly to her. Jeff doesn't like to hit the dog but he thinks that's the only way she'll learn to not make messes. I finally decided it wasn't doing any good and she knows she's in trouble so all it takes is some stern words and showing her what she's done. Other than that, I try to let her know she's safe.
Yesterday, Jeff and I met at the movie store on the way home so we got home at the same time. He had put the dog on the patio, locked out of the house, to see if this would do any good (we haven't done it before, afraid of the noise she makes). We got home and let her in the house to go straight out the front door. Much to our surprise, she didn't make any messes. I was a bit annoyed that she could hold it when she's on the balcony but not when she's in the house. Perhaps it helped to confine her to a small space?
We took her outside where she did her normal whining, barking, circling, jumping. It's a really hard noise to withstand. Jeff said "smack her and tell her to shut up." I promise he's not mean, he just thinks that's how you get her to behave. I said "no. She's scared and smacking her doesn't help that." He listened to me. She calmed down rather quickly. We didn't have a mess in the house. He didn't have to feel bad for smacking her. I didn't have to feel bad.
As I thought about it later, I decided, whether it's true or not, to think that my being nice to her has helped the situation.
I guess I'm thinking of kindness this week because I've overheard a few people at work that just aren't nice. I don't know why people would take the time and energy to actully be mean about someone. And it was in that whole high school, be popular kind of attitude. I like the person they were being mean about so I guess I felt defensive. She also does so much to help my job be better that I'm mad that they don't appreciate her just because she's "not cool" or something. It also bugs me because (now I'm not being nice) these people think they are all that when they are old and fat and ugly and only sort of dress nice. And when it comes down to it, who really cares!?!?!
We got the dog (her name is Niobe) from Jeff's dad's family. She is house trained and well behaved. She is a really sweet dog. She snuggles up to me when we go to bed at night and one time, when I was crying, she looked at me so concerned and licked me and tried to make it better. In the last few weeks, I've decided she is MY dog. I've had a lot more patience with her and taken ownership of her. I don't mean she's mine and not Jeff's; she's definitely OURS in that way. But I mean... her past life I guess.
Anyway, in spite of what a good dog she is, she has a very hard time being alone. The few times we've left her- to go out on the weekend, when Jeff goes to class, etc- we come home to a mess in our house. It's upset me because this is exactly the reason why I didn't want a pet. I don't want my house to be stinky and dirty. The other day, she had a problem when I made her go back in the house and I went out to meet Jeff when he got home for work- she was alone for literally two minutes! It was very frustrating.
I usually get home before Jeff does on Wednesday's. I've had to deal not only with the mess but also with the dog freaking out so badly it scares me. She barks, she whines, she jumps, she walks in circles, not to be crude, but she goes "potty" and doesn't even know it. It has scared me a few times and made me want to cry because I don't know what to do to calm her down and I don't know what's happened to make her so nervous.
I decided to take the approach that she's scared and needs comfort. For the last few weeks, I take her immediately outside and I sit on the grass and hold her and talk softly to her. Jeff doesn't like to hit the dog but he thinks that's the only way she'll learn to not make messes. I finally decided it wasn't doing any good and she knows she's in trouble so all it takes is some stern words and showing her what she's done. Other than that, I try to let her know she's safe.
Yesterday, Jeff and I met at the movie store on the way home so we got home at the same time. He had put the dog on the patio, locked out of the house, to see if this would do any good (we haven't done it before, afraid of the noise she makes). We got home and let her in the house to go straight out the front door. Much to our surprise, she didn't make any messes. I was a bit annoyed that she could hold it when she's on the balcony but not when she's in the house. Perhaps it helped to confine her to a small space?
We took her outside where she did her normal whining, barking, circling, jumping. It's a really hard noise to withstand. Jeff said "smack her and tell her to shut up." I promise he's not mean, he just thinks that's how you get her to behave. I said "no. She's scared and smacking her doesn't help that." He listened to me. She calmed down rather quickly. We didn't have a mess in the house. He didn't have to feel bad for smacking her. I didn't have to feel bad.
As I thought about it later, I decided, whether it's true or not, to think that my being nice to her has helped the situation.
I guess I'm thinking of kindness this week because I've overheard a few people at work that just aren't nice. I don't know why people would take the time and energy to actully be mean about someone. And it was in that whole high school, be popular kind of attitude. I like the person they were being mean about so I guess I felt defensive. She also does so much to help my job be better that I'm mad that they don't appreciate her just because she's "not cool" or something. It also bugs me because (now I'm not being nice) these people think they are all that when they are old and fat and ugly and only sort of dress nice. And when it comes down to it, who really cares!?!?!
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