A few weeks ago at church, Jeff's step mom had them announce our engagement. Usually I don't get too embarrassed by those things and what feelings I do have of climbing under the seat so no one can look at me, I can usually block by pretending. I was a teacher after all and getting up in front of crowds, at least when I know what I'm talking about, isn't that big of a deal. With Jeff, I can hide nothing- even when other people are around. There's been more than a couple times when I've felt sad and wanted to keep it to myself- at least for a while- and he looks in my eyes and asks why I'm sad. He's wonderful, but I digress. For some reason, I was so embarrassed to stand up when they announced this at church- I didn't want everyone looking at me and sharing something so personal and I couldn't hide it. We both stood there looking at the floor and blushing. How silly.
People have been very nice and tell us congratulations. I guess it's because I'm the girl, but with the congrats comes a lot of questions and then advice. The following week, I had several people tell me congratulations only to follow it up with advice from printing invitations to pre marital counseling. This is all fine. People are just being nice, being excited for us, and making conversation. But, being me...
You all probably know the rest of the story, so you don't have to keep reading :)...
Being me, it's hard not to internalize all of it. I kinda left church feeling like a bunch of strangers were going to end up planning MY wedding and it was going to be NOTHING like what we both want. Jeff has been very supportive and keeps telling me to not listen to them and that it's MY wedding. He even tells me it's my wedding and he'll be there, but it's up to me how it all goes. That's nice, but I want him to be a part of the planning etc.
I'm suddenly wondering if he'll mind if I share this.
The other night we got talking about how we've imagined it and he told me of how he's dreamed his wedding- the setting, the flowers, the colors. It's perfect and we are very in sink (how do you spell that? what a funny expression! I'm in the sink??)
We've been thinking red. After Ben and Mel's nuptials, I imagined doing things a lot the same. I loved the elegance and the intimacy. For some reason, a year ago I fell in love with red. I wanted a new red car and my wedding was going to be red and I bought all new red ornaments for my Charlie Brown Christmas tree. Red is one of Jeff's favorite colors and he claims that the only flowers he likes are red roses. So it all seemed perfect.
But when we talked the other night, he said that he always saw a lot of blue- light sky blue, even though it's not necessarily one of his favorites. When I was younger, for a long time, I wanted dark blue and white for my wedding. Perhaps somewhere along the way, someone said that that would be too dark or something. I went to sleep that night seeing blue flowers and feeling very calm.
We also want to keep things very small. Jeff says we should have only immediate family and joked about having bouncers with a list of who can come in. I said Karen would love that job! I don't know if it's even possible to keep things that small. I'm not sure how I feel about some friends and family members. But either way, we won't be inviting everyone we've ever known. And there won't be a parade of bride's maids etc.
We'd like to have an outdoor ceremony. In the mountains or a forest with lots of trees. At the end of March, that's kind of risky. Any suggestions? We're not sure where that would be. He's mentioned a place that his church goes camping that might be a nice set up. I think that could be kind of cool. I've thought of a few parks I've been too that might be a nice setting. Again, there's the weather to worry about. And, doing it that way, a lot of the set up would be left to us. But, I feel like I'd almost prefer that. It seems to detract from things to pay gargantuan amounts of money to rent a place. And then you have someone else doing it their way. But maybe it would be nice to have someone else do all the work.
I liked Gina's wedding too. It was simple and close and felt like what a wedding should be. Family, outdoors, a bit of cake, and just enjoying the day and each other.
Hmm... So much to think about. And those of you reading this, I'd like your thoughts and opinions. I don't feel like you take over. Besides, I know and love you. So don't hold back just because of what I said about people at church. It's just a me reaction.
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