As a child, Jane thought of herself as a bit of a tomboy. While she loved baby dolls and Barbie and had a really cool pair of pink courdoroy shoes and sweatshirts with hearts on them, she also loved baseball and playing kickball. She was afraid of the tricky bars, had more boy friends than girls, and liked dressing up for Halloween as a beat up football player or karate kid just as much as she did the princess.
When Jane hit junior high she suddenly was afraid of boys which weren't just the boys from elementary school, they were supposed to be "guys." A "boyfriend" wasn't someone you shared your lunch and walked home with, but someone whose hand you held and might even kiss him! There were suddenly rules for being socially accepted- how you dressed and talked and acted. Like a lot of 12 year old girls, Jane was disoriented and unsure of herself in her new surroundings.
Jane survived! and actually quite well. She even had FUN in high school. I don't want to make her out to be some nerdy wall flower with no self-esteem. But self-esteem was a hard issue for her. She'd figured out the junior high rules and knew how to fit in. But maybe that's not SUCH a good thing. Like a chameleon adapting to it's environment. Sure it's safe, but it has no true color.
In high school, Jane wore a lot of men's clothes. She was kind of chubby so they fit better. She was embarrassed about her body so they hid that. But what it honestly probably came down to? Jane liked them. To her, there was something very feminine about a good pair of jeans and a stylish men's button up shirt. To quote Shania, "man's shirt, short skirt, uh wo-oh-oh... man, I feel like a woman."
Once Jane started college and, she would say, "got some self esteem" the men's clothes got weeded out of her wardrobe. She wears skirts and very feminine tops to work almost everyday. She can't stand the suit look and feels very sloppy in a baggy t-shirt and work out pants. But lately...
Jane has really needed to reconnect with that ten year old "tom boy." The one that wore pink shoes and gave the boys a good run for their money in the recess soccer game. She doesn't want to go back to the baggy men's clothes. Jane very much believes in the feminine qualities of being a woman. But where is that child? What could/would she have added to Jane if she didn't get lost in the halls of junior high? How can Jane give her a voice?
2 comments:
I think we all miss parts of our pasts and times of more innocence. I often have quick little flashes of times past when life was more free and I miss them.
As for the tomboy thing my advice is this,
1- Put on some old jeans and a guy shirt.
2- Call your brother (me) and make plans to get together.
3-Take a pair(or 2) of Amie-J's Damn pink shoes, wear them.
4-Go out in the mountains or a field and shoot the crap out of something. Shoot until it hurts and you can't shoot no more, then shoot again!!!
That should help and if that's not enough we can pretend. I like to pretend war, I'm of course the American and the bunnies are the V.C., or the Arabs. It's a lot of fun and you can escape reality for a moment.
I actually think glocksters idea would be a pretty good exercise in playing.
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