I've heard and read that men are afraid of committment. The more life goes on, the more I disbelief generalities like that. Every person you meet is different. I do however enjoy the kind of sociological look at the genders, people in different stages of life, different races, cultures, psychologies, etc. So, in that regard, here's my "I'm gonna write a brilliant book someday" idea.
Men are not afraid of commitment. They're afraid of rejection. Men DO fall in love at first sight and while we tend to think they think and feel with things besides their mind and hearts, their feelings run deeper than we give them credit for. Unfortunately, society says, boys don't cry. So, not only do they have a lot to lose when they DO feel love etc, but they don't always have a socially acceptable outlet for their feelings. What appears to be fear of commitment is really just caution that if they get into it, they will have more to lose. So when we as women insist on it and are ready to jump right in, and they hesitate, we freak out. And they see exactly what they are afraid of. Someone they are trying to be a knight in shining armor for threatening to leave if they can't give her what she wants. Then they definitely don't want to commit because it's not a safe place to be.
We are taught to see men as big, strong, brave creatures. We don't often see them as gentle, feeling, thinking human beings. Isn't that sad? That's why I like men at church- they seem more demonstrative of affection with each other, they cry over spiritual things, they seem better able to express what I've always believed to be in there. Maybe, without hurting their pride and male ego, men really need women to treat them like puppy dogs. Respect their bark, feed them, play with them, pet them, and they will be yours forever. Kick them and they'll fear and never trust you.
Does anyone out there believe in seeing men not as jerks who will hurt you and just want one thing when it comes to dating and that you have to "trick" into a relationship, but as good people who feel and think and experience life a lot like we think we do?
2 comments:
Amen sister. I complete agree. i would love to hear a guys opinion...
you are so on the mark with all those comments. It is hard to be rejected, for men and women both, but for men there is no where to look for the support or reassurance you feel the need for after. That's what we need a good loving woman for and in that circumstance you don't, or shouldn't have one. If you turn to your friends with any emotional weakness you are looked upon as frail, feminine, and as a girlie man. It's hard in that way. If you have a friend that you feel you can trust with such things he will probably think you are looking for more than just emotional support, and then be scared to be alone with you. Sad but true. We all feel the same things yet we are not allowed to admit that to each other.
There are many other things that a guy has to consider in a relationship as well.
How many friends do I have that have been divorced and are now with out their children, have little or no way to defend themselves from the slander laid down by their ex. and are financialy in the crap house with child support, alimony, lawyer bills,child care, and other expenses left behind. I know the woman is often the one wronged but she generally gets the kids, the house, the car, and 25-50% of the guys check. That's just the way it usually goes. As a man, after years of training, education or just hard work you have to be pretty damn sure of things before you make that commitment.
We are expected to be the "Knight in shinning armour". Imagine if you will the pressure we face when we can't be scared,imagine the trauma we feel when we try to defend our woman from threat or inapropriate behavior and then are beaten mercilessly, screaming like a girl the whole time. What a crush to the ego,the embarrasment and shame of it all. We can't be weak and scared, we're supposed to be the hero, the star of the movie, it's pressure!
Money, another subject for many guys. Some guys still feel their wives shouldn't work. I think that's crap, but some don't. I figure my wife can work if she wants and the day she'll know she makes enough money is the day I can stay home and quit my job.Seriously there is a lot of pressure to provide. If a guy dosen't feel he's in a satisfactory financial state then that can weigh in any decisions as well.
Then we can get into more intimate topics of pressure for the male. That maybe an entirely diffrent subject but it's there all the same.I'll skip it here but be aware it's there.
Men are fragile and scared and we aren't expected to be. I really like your puppy analogy and am thankful that my wife seems to understand that as well. We do have feelings,really,just ask my dentist. We really do and we can be hurt just as deeply as you, it is something no one, male or female wants to go through.
There are, I admit some benefits to being male. Woman endure many things I would not want to. BUT, for every benefit there is a down side. All and all it's probably pretty fair.
i can only say thank you to all the women in the world past and present, because if child birth was left to the men our species would have died out long ago and we'd all see just how scared men can be.
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