Sunday School Lesson

Today in church we had two lessons about marriage. One thought that was brought up was that love makes you want to be better than who you are.

I agree. I want to find someone who makes me want to look good everyday, be more kind and gentle, smarter, more active. All the things I think make me a better person. But as we talked in our lessons, I got thinking of poor perfectionist Jane.

All her life, Jane has had a picture of what she thought she would/should be when she grew up. Religion classes in college epitomized this. Girls there wore cardigan sweaters and loose jeans, loafers and little make-up, had shoulder or chin length smooth bobbed hair, played the piano and sang in choir, and most (I'm not kidding) majored in childhood development. I shall say this in caps: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THESE THINGS, but as a whole picture, Jane never felt adequate. Jane liked sweaters and comfy shoes, she even had short hair. But have you ever heard her sing? The only way she could play guitar was by tapping her foot in a mathematical way and counting dilligently the notes. She majored in mathematics! Supposedly that's not a very girlie subject and people thought she was too smart for the average guy. Poor Jane again.

But that's what was so great about college. Not just getting a degree or looking for a career, but finding the real JANE! Much has happened to do away with that vision of perfect.

What Jane's realizing now is that she's also had a picture of perfect love. The guy that would make her everything. (I know, I said this in a previous blog- too bad, stop reading if it annoys you!) The point being that poor Jane didn't know that she was holding her soul mate to the same strict standards she had always tried and failed to live up to! She thought he would be the one to make all those things better and okay. What she's realizing now is that she thought that would happen because he would inspire her, allow her, expect of her to be all those things!

That means that Jane, whether she knew it or not, has been looking for the male counterpart to her not so perfect perfect version of herself! And that's no good!!! She doesn't want the guy who doesn't ever swear or get angry, who always eats all his vegetables and always has good thoughts (not that she doesn't want all these things). But Jane needs someone who can make out without crossing the line, who feels passion and so he gets angry once in a while, who has days when he doesn't feel like getting up for church. Perfect is feeling those things and being good anyway. Or forgiving yourself and each other for not being good anyway.

So, yes, Jane wants someone who inspires her to be her best self. But not someone who puts those expectations of "perfect" back on her.