In a relationship, the woman should be pretty, not the man
Maybe it's unfortunate, but I think physical attraction is more important to men than to women. Not that we don't want something pretty, but maybe, generally speaking, women have forgotten what we truly need in a man. We don't need the guy with rock hard abs and the wink or small touch that makes us shiver (yes shivering is a good thing, but bear with me). A lot of my students are single mothers in their mid-twenties and I get to hear about "hot" great boyfriends. Eventually, a large percet of the time, I find out that the guy is in jail (or just got out) or she met him in a bar or club and he was so drunk that when they talked next, he didn't remember what color hair she has!
In the movie "Hitch," he says any guy has a chance with any girl. What Hitch has to learn is that it's still about love and not just knowing how to play the right game, but that's what I loved about the movie. It was like a guy Cinderella story. A back lash of sorts. For so long women have been treated as sex objects, but now they are doing the same to the men. I thought the point of the movie was that everyone deserves love, not just the pretty people, and that love is more than physical anyway. My kudos.
Jane adores beyond belief her baby brother. He is the funniest, smartest, most spiritual and insightful guy you could ever meet. Maybe it sounds strange to people, but I've heard people say you get a sort of crush on your kids as they grow up and change. Well, that was always true of Jane and her baby brother. Even when they were little, she thought he was the cutest thing she'd ever seen. Recently they travelled together with some friends, and all of that came back again (not that it ever left). Jane realized that, in some sense, what she wants to fall in love with is a Benny. And, through recent blogs, she also realized that she could not be that in love with him without knowing him so well (see BennyK's post on my last blog). Once again he's right and to think that you are going to fall in love with someone after just a few dates or because of initial attraction is quite silly. What do men and women really need from each other?
On the other hand, I said that women should be the pretty one in a relationship. I say this mostly in vanity because I think most of us want to be pretty, even if we are the no-frills, practical types and not because I think all women should look like super models. In fact, I think that boys need to be taught, in some sense, what is pretty and what natural, feminine beauty is- heaven knows what is and isn't portrayed in the media!
That said, it probably is true that men are more visual creatures. Maybe rather than give them a hard time about it, we should embrace it. Look at sunsets and mountain ranges, the ocean and snow on a leafless black tree. Nature is beautiful! and most people would agree that the real stuff completely outshines the facades (I'm thinking of the glitz and so called glamour of Las Vegas). I believe the beauty of an artist or architect or even a gardener is because of the creation process. Something divine and Godlike. Maybe as women we should take that to heart. Recognize the natural beauty of feminine, womanly characteristics inside and out and be glad that man appreciates it! Then any artwork, architecture, or gardening we do on ourselves should emulate that, not try to fake it in a Las Vegas type way.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that men should be men and women women. We should appreciate and even celebrate the differences rather than fight and complain against them. If my man (if I had one) needs me to be soft and feminine and womanly, HALLELUJAH! I need him to be strong and sweet and brave in an immoral and scary world. I need his adoration and I need him to teach and play with my children so they grow up happy and good and Christ like.
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