Now I'm Judgemental

As not nice as it may be, Jane wants to tell a story about her friend Buffy. This is not meant to be a judgement! THink of it more as a science experiment where your feedback is the collected data.

Several years ago, Buffy was engaged to a guy named Geoffery. Admittedly, Buffy had doubts that this was really "the one," but she also talked about how great he was, how good he made her feel, and Jane, who knew Buffy for as much of her life as she can remember, thought she saw Buffy happier than she'd ever seen her.

Buffy and Geoffery lived back east but planeed on moving west to plan the wedding and be closer to Buffy's family. So, Buffy came here to look for an apartment, get a car, etc. Then, one fateful night, Buffy went out with her friend Freakshow. She met Guy #2, kissed him, and went home that very night and broke up with Geoffery.

Geoffery was heartbroken and willing to take Buffy back- at least he didn't want to let it go so easily. But Buffy insisted this was where she was to be. Within a month, she moved in with Guy #2 and in another 2 or 3 months, THEY broke up. This time, Buffy was left heartbroken and devastated and trying to hold onto something that wasn't there.

Who is Jane to know how Buffy really felt? But, Jane can't help thinking that Buffy could (or would?) have been happier if she stayed with Geoffery. Jane was convinced, and still is, that he would love and adore Buffy forever.

Would Buffy had known she was happy when she had doubts about Geoffery and would have had to, in her mind, walk away from what she thought was a blow your mind love at first sight thing with Guy #2?

If love is an action, if it's, to some extent, a choice as previous blogs have stated, Jane's hypothesis is that perhaps Buffy made a not so wise choice and if she would have been a bit more logical, she could have avoided the heartbreak. Yes, once again Jane is looking for right vs. wrong answers rather than seeing life for the complexity that it is. Jane, as usual, is just confused and scared and trying to see the end result without taking the journey. She's afraid she'll make a "mistake" (who's to say it was?) like Buffy who may have let doubts and fears get in the way. On the other hand, Jane's friend Hilda married a boy she met in high school two years after having his baby and is now not even thirty and divorced with three kids. ANother friend, Agnes, is just getting divorced as well. Maybe they should have listened MORE to their doubts?

The common denominator among Buffy, Hilda, and Agnes seems to be that they didn't let enough logic rule their love decisions. Buffy was swept away by one moment of passion. Hilda probably gave in to low self esteem. And poor Agnes was probably a victim of environment and lower standards. I know there is no way to safe guard against someone else hurting you. But, Jane is so logical at times she's afraid it keeps her from even having a love situation. But then, if she threw out all logic, she's afraid of ending up like so many hurt and disappointed people.