It seems the best and worst of life come in December. The pretty snow fall, being warm and cozy, Christmas lights and spirituality. But also the harsh cold, slipping on the ice, battling the crowds that really have nothing to do with the Christmas spirit and getting sick.
I was so excited for it to snow- the view of my apartment's courtyard (I guess that's what you call it) is awesome. I love to be in a warm house watching it snow.
But I don't like driving in it. And I don't like walking in it. I'm afraid of falling. That's my real fear behind my fear of heights- falling to my death. But even slipping on the ice is an excrutiating experience! It hurts to lose so much control so fast, even if only for a moment.
It's like me. I want to go ice-skating, but I'm too afraid I'll fall.
Lately I feel at my best. I'm stepping in to this new life that I have been working so hard to find for the last two years. I'm learning to love myself and what I'm doing. To accept that I love it and quit looking for change. But just when I get that high, I feel a fear of falling. Not failure, it's just that things are slippery. I'm afraid of losing so much control so fast. If I let my guard down and enjoy the moment, I may fall to my death. Have you ever wanted to make a "mistake"- just to see what it feels like?
1 comment:
That used to be my wintertime activity of choice as well--waiting to slip on my buttocks in front of a large crowd. I've succeeded a few times. One time I felt nothing more could be done than to announce to the passerbys that yes, "I fell down!"
But what weather we're having now, eh? It's almost like summer all over again! Driving with the windows down, turning on the A/C, etc. No joke! I'm glad I didn't have to worry about slipping on my arse this semester ... we'll see what happens come January!
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