Once upon a time, Jane fell in love with Tony. Now, we’re not debating whether she was really in love or the definition of “in love.” Her mind, her heart, her actions told her that she was. Tony seemed like the kind of guy that Jane needed and wanted. And then, Tony broke her heart.
Heartbreak is supposed to be a painful, excruciating thing. And, to some extent, of course it was for Jane. She carried on as if nothing had happened when really her insides had been slashed to pieces. But then something amazing happened. Jane threw her love out to the universe as if she was playing with a boomerang. She gave it up to the world and
it didn’t return, not in the way that makes a happy movie ending, not in someone outside herself, the object of her affection. Instead of waking up without it, Jane woke up amazingly happy. What she realized is that even love only matters within one’s own heart.
It was an empowering thing. It made Jane feel like she had choices. But the most important things was, Jane realized that if even love isn’t about the other person, she no longer had to feel like she existed to impress the world.
This brings us back to Jane’s dilemma with Joe and Bill. We have received some very thoughtful and interesting comments. Here’s what Jane’s friend, Pepper had to say:
“If Jane chooses Joe, she is giving up almost everything she wants in life for what she believes is the love of her life. The contradiction is that the reason she thinks she loves Joe, is because he makes her feel completed. However, in the process of choosing him, she will lose herself. She can’t give up everything for love in another person, because it only really matters within herself.”
Perhaps if Jane chooses Bill, he will be fulfilled in the love he has for her. In return, Jane may come to love him. If she thinks she loves Joe because of what he gives her within herself, isn’t it possible that Bill’s love will bring forth even greater fruit? His love for her has to have an impact. The life he is willing to share and build with her will give her fulfillment because it’s who she’s always wanted to be. In some sense, wouldn’t she have to come to love Bill with that same passion because of who they are together? Because of the life they have together? Because he is giving/being her everything?
I realize that a lack of love can destroy a home, an identity, a future. But if two people were truly committed, can love be grown?
1 comment:
To be honest, I do think love can be grown. At least to a surprising degree. You hear about people that have arranged marriages, and yet they still end up very much in love. I think romance and love, in very huge ways, can be matters of choice.
Now obviously there is such a thing as incompatability, and I don't think it's wise for someone to marry someone just because they get along. I guess the thing is, you might not choose to START falling in love, but you can choose to resist or encourage it (the love, not just the relationship). I guess in a lot of ways, we should remember that love is a verb and not a name. Love is what you do, not who you're with. At least to an extent!
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