Kliff told Jane that most of the country's population has the mental capability of an 8 year old. (Not to put down any 8 year olds, but you know what I mean). He was talking about politics, but he's right in so many ways! So why does Jane turn to so many other people for advice? There are so many books and magazines and t.v. shows etc about relationships and how to be pretty and what makes you worth something. What do these people know!? Even within the church framework, sure these people are at least looking for more and trying to do what's right etc, but do they really get it? Do they know anything about life and people and living? Probably not. Because they too have an immature mental capacity and can only see things, even good things, from that perspective.
Kliff also told Jane that "I don't know" is not a good answer, something that Jane says all the time. Not because she doesn't know, but because she's thinking or she's hesitant or she doesn't want conflict. On Benny's blog, she took the book personality quiz. She was compared to Siddhartha. She's never read that book but the comment said she doesn't know what she believes in and clings to every philosophy until a new one comes along. This hurt Jane because she feels she has great conviction and a strong belief system. But she realized it's true! Constantly searching for truth and the right answer, Jane listens to every voice but her own. When the truth is, Jane does know.
Jane has been trying to stop everytime she thinks "I don't know" or acts out of habit in a way that shows hesitation and say, "I do know. And this is what I know."
So, this is what Jane knows...
Jane knows God is love and He isn't going to kick her out of heaven because she's not as perfect as she tries to be. In fact, even if she made the biggest mistake she is capable of, God would still help her get where it is she ultimately wants to go.
Jane knows that emotions are like the blood of the spirit. Sometimes their expression should be censored or controlled, but for the most part, emotions are your connection to the world. How else do you know what's good or bad or when you're in love or when you've been hurt and it's not good for you to be somewhere or with someone? No, emotions are not the same as conscience, but they are a lot stronger force and a better teacher than logic alone.
Jane knows there are good things in the world. As much time in life as possible should be spent with those you love, smelling flowers, watching grass grow, and listening to laughter. The world keeps spinning, the trick is to enjoy the ride.
These are not beliefs Jane has an easy time living. Perhaps acknowledgement is the first step in letting them grow.
