Time for Bed I Said

I wonder if I would even know there was a recession and the world was coming to an end if my dad wasn't always saying "the sky is falling." If, when I needed a break at work and thinking I'd like to be educated, I'd do something besides click to the online newspaper. I think I would notice that both gas and milk (if bought at the gas station) are both up to almost $4 a gallon. But, that might be about all I notice. And instead of thinking I'm drowning in debt and rent and there is no hope for my future, maybe I'd just think that this is what happens when you grow up and get married. And I'd hope for things to get better or at least be okay. We'll buy a house someday. Someday instead of paying on the stupid credit card, we'll pay for the kid's braces or driver's ed or something. Life would just go on and I'd quit being so darned scared of everything.

...

A few weeks back, I finally got brave and talked specifically to Jeff about a fear of mine. Something that had been said a long time ago had in my mind, under certain circumstances, resurfaced. I'm not sure which way it went, but it was like my mind knew I had nothing to worry about but my heart kept feeling it anyway (maybe my heart trusted but my head was afraid of looking the fool?). Anyway, once we talked it through, it was all put to rest. Since then, a lot of other concerns have been put aside too and I can't believe how good it feels to just not worry. It's like instead of being on guard all the time, I just don't have to worry. And that makes me think I must like to worry because it somehow makes me feel like I have some sort of control... or at least I'm in a position to take control if the need arises. But not worrying, not needing that control, feels SO much better.

...

This doesn't even make any sense. Last night, I hung up the phone after talking to Jeff and rolled over and got comfortable in bed. I thought I heard the dog in the room but she wasn't on the bed with me so I said to her "where are you?" She ran up on the bed next to me and I petted her for a minute. Then I got under the covers and ready for sleeping and she went and ate her food. As I lay there, I had hair in my eyes and didn't know if it was mine or the dogs and I thought "I really hate always having hair in my eyes." Then I wondered if dogs ever complain about having too much skin in their eyes. It just popped in my head and was so funny but didn't even make any sense.