!@#$%^&**&^%$#@!

Today I'm having an emotional day. So, in addition to my normal over reacting, there is a lot more over reacting.
In the newspaper headlines as I walked in to work it was announced that all the kids from the polygamist ranch will be going home. Hooray. I guess we're supposed to be glad that justice was done and the poor children will be returned to their poor, sympathy worthy mothers.
Just yesterday (or the day before?) I read an article in the paper that had pictures or their prophet holding a little girl (it said she was 12) and kissing her "the way a husband would kiss a wife." It made me sick to my stomach. It was like seeing child porn. It was more than I could take.
Sometimes it bothers Jeff that I get bothered by other people's lack of morals. It's not that he doesn't agree with me, he just doesn't see why I should let it affect me. Well, because. It's the kind of sick twisted world we live in. I read the article and saw that picture and I don't know if I've ever been filled with that much anger. Call it a devil in my heart. I'll call it righteous indignation. I have never wanted someone to hurt as much as I did looking at that guy. What does that say about me?
I feel that it undermines my belief in a prophet and obedience and faith. Some article about a particular case had the parents saying how infallible this guy is. According to the reports (and I guess they could be wrong), these people will lie and avoid our government and laws based on what this guy says; he's the supreme authority. He speaks for God. It makes me not want to believe in anyone who says they speak for God. That's MY testimony they are threatening.
I also think it shows so blatantly that this philosophy of theirs is child abuse. Maybe I'm wrong. The latest reports say the state and child services didn't have sufficient evidence to prove the kids were in immediate physical danger. I guess we don't care about their future psychological, sexual, self esteem and welfare. That doesn't matter.
I think that to someone who's been hurt, they are saying "YOU don't matter. YOU're hurt or fear doesn't matter. What you've gone through or go through every day trying to heal and survive, doesn't matter." HOW CAN THAT BE???
How can they say that this "religious belief" is not wrong? If they were doing human sacrifice, would we let all the kids stay and grow up in the commune because they weren't the ones being sacrificed? How can that "man" look at a 12 year old and get excited enough to pro-create? Because of his religious beliefs? Because God told him to? I guess that must be it.
As far as I understand (again, I could be wrong) polygamy is part of their religion. They believe it's a heavenly thing or something. And it seems a pretty well established thing that at least some of the time, young girls are married to older men because their prophet tells them to. If he is there with a 12 year old, how can it not be part of their religion? Even if it's not commonly practiced, it does happen and it is accepted.
If you ask me, sex is a big deal thing. Maybe it's the culture and if I was taught differently, I would believe differently. But think about the first time you held a boy's hand, the first time you kissed someone, the first time you "you know what." Weren't those big deals? Didn't one thing have to lead to another? When you're 12, sure you may know about sex, but you don't KNOW about it. It takes time and hormones and falling in love and fantasizing and ... If all of that stuff came at you all at once, wouldn't you be a bit freaked out? I'm a little freaked out and I didn't get married until I was 30 years old!
I'm just making myself sick talking about it. I guess I'll stop. I don't know if it's even worth posting this... I wish I could express myself better.