It's been a rough two weeks for me. I feel a need to talk and think and feel and, unfortunately, I think a lot of times my efforts come out as complaining.
Yesterday I had my first experience as a supervisor of people. I had to talk to someone about a job that someone else complained wasn't getting done. Frankly, I kind of thought the complainer was just being hard on the person because I know they don't like her and she was sick the last time this particular project was needed. Anyway, I was nervous about confronting the person but took the approach that this job is something that needs to get more organized anyway. The poor girl works so hard and if it's not getting done, it's just as much because she isn't given clear guidelines or expectations as anything.
Well, it all went fine. I think it was even constructive and I hope that some good things come of it to help this person as well as get the job done more effeciently even if it is for complaining people.
I have mixed emotions about things like this. On the one hand, I wanted to cry and not even approach it because confronting people is about the last thing I'd put on my dream job lost. In fact, it's probably what I would put on my definitely can't do list. But on the other side, my supervisor gave me the advice not to try to change myself too quickly (I had commented on being more assertive). She said I have a lot of qualities she thinks my few employees will respond well to and it's just a matter of learning to use that in a managerial type position. After this little confrontation that ended up not being confrontational because I am a peace maker, I felt strengthened. I felt like okay, I can learn something here and I AM capable of doing a good job.
Unfortunately, by the time I got back to my desk, I had four missed calls on my cell phone from Jeff and he was on the instant messenger saying fine, you're not there, I'm going to bed. I also, in the few minutes I had to spare during the day yesterday and checked my email, had emails from my mom about recipes and cooking with REAL wheat flour and more organic stuff etc. I didn't even have time to look at them let alone think about time to actual cook and plan meals and be domestic. These things frustrated and defeated me in a way. It's like what I really want to be doing is out there beckoning me, but life keeps putting confrontations on my to do list instead.
And probably my real point is, I feel SO WHIMPY! So many women work and be married and have kids and a life and etc and I feel like I can barely be married, take care of the dog and have a job. How can I do those things when I spend 8 hours a day here? How can I do a good job here when I have to keep answering the phone to talk to home? I really don't know how to do it. And I'm just getting started!
3 comments:
Hey..girl with the great work ethic..i've heard about you. I think all of your expressions here just point that out. You way out-worry everyone else about what's getting done. As for the abilities you are wishing for, they will come. As you go day by day, these things develop, not all at once. Soon you realize that those talents have blossomed and are working in full force.
Try not to worry so much about the domestic stuff while you are working. It sounds like you are trying to do three (or more>?) jobs at once. If you don't have time for phone calls and IM,that's to be expected. I would hope you don't keep me on unless you have the time for it. Feel free to disconnect anytime. It's okay. Just do one thing at a time...it's all you can do.
Sorry this response sounds like an advice column. It really does, doesn't it?
I honestly think balance is an illusion when you're working and trying to be a domestic goddess... you just do the best you can when you can, and then stress about the rest all night long (JUST KIDDING)
I've found that I have to prioritize things or I go nuts... my kids trump my job, so I end up leaving quite a bit when Hunter gets kicked out of daycare, or one of the other kids is sick or has dr appointments. At home, my laundry waits, the dishes can wait... I find myself wanting to spend time with Steve and the kids rather than neglect them to do housework. So my house is never emmaculate, never as clean as I would like and it won't ever be... because of my priorities. At work, the people are the priority over the paperwork and luckily I have a great boss, that understands being a working mom etc. Just don't overwhelm yourself... wait and let your kids do that for you...
Jak...you have a really great new sister now. That's just what you needed, don't you think?
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