The other day I read an article I thought was going to be about how and why the polygamists dress the way they do. It was more of a "fashion" article questioning if their style will in any way find it's way into fashion (afterall, they said, fashion comes from the most unexpected places). The conclusion of the style gurus was that it would have little, if any, affect. Someone was quoted as saying "women don't want to look like that."
I don't mean to be judgemental etc, but I think that's probably true. I've even found myself hesitant to braid my hair or not wear make-up because I'm afraid of looking like that! I think the fascination with this story, in part, comes from our fear of being like them. Perhaps it's the similarities we see that scare us more than the differences?
When I read about this group of people, I wonder about my ancestors who lived polygamy as part of their religion. Honestly, I don't know that I could hold on to a faith that requested that of me. I don't know how they did it. But it's not just that part of it that is upsetting. I think when I look at these people, I see people who are strong in their convictions, holding on to beliefs that make them SO different than the rest of us, most of us wouldn't be able to live it. What gives them that strength if it's not something real?
A lot of people will say they've been brainwashed. I can buy into that. As far as we know and what all the stories say is that they are indoctrinated from birth to believe this way. They live it, they see parents, siblings, other people living it. So, it's just a part of who they are. I think we find this comforting in some way because that gives us the chance to believe that if they were taught differently, exposed to another way of being, that they too would see this as "wrong." I think we want/need to believe that somewhere inside them, something is telling them this isn't right. You don't have to be treated this way. It's what we want to believe about people who are abused or the women in the Middle East who are treated with so little respect or any other situation we see as wrong.
The thought that scares me is that there isn't this little voice in them saying they could have things different or better or that it's not right. How could a whole group of people fight so hard for something if they had any doubt about it? Why would kids return to abusive homes or people to abusive spouses? Why won't the women in the Middle East stand together and fight? How did slaves remain slaves? Because that little voice wasn't there. Or couldn't be heard. Or something.
So, how do we know what we know? I've had things I thought I would fight or die for all because I felt it so deep inside it HAD to be real. Some of those things are still there. Other things, I've been wrong about and it's one of the worst feelings in the world. Probably if I was a polygamist it would be easier to hold onto that faith, that way of living even if I was shown I was wrong, than it would be to follow what was in my heart. I would never be able to know for sure what I knew again.
I watched a movie over the weekend I liked a lot. It was about a little town in France where everyone at least looks like they follow the patterns and rules. A woman and her daughter move to town and start a new chocolate store, just at the beginning of lent. She doesn't go to church. She doesn't follow what everyone else is doing. By the end of the movie you see how much good, Christian love she is doing while the guy who is the opposite, the stalwart, rule making, going to church guy has destroyed one or two people. At one point in the movie, I realized how HARD it would be to be the woman who was different but actually the one doing the right things. If you were raised or lived in this town, even if you saw the good the woman was doing, it might be hard or impossible to walk away from what everyone else was doing, what you'd been taught, shown, lived, feared as the right thing.
I don't want to be a polygamist. I don't want to just follow along. I want to be smart. I want to have experience and follow what REALLY is in my heart, not just what I was told was there. But, I don't know if I'll ever know the difference. I don't know how we can tell.
(I feel a need as I type this to make sure to let everyone know I'm not giving up my religion or any such thing. I'm just talking about... I guess really going inside and knowing what's in there...)
3 comments:
I wish we could have a conversation face to face about this. You've covered a lot of ground. It seems that having no choice in these situations is what is really wrong with it. I like what you say about hearing the voice in your head and heart. It's the only way to know what you're doing is right, if that can be done to any degree at all.
Sometimes you think what you're doing is right, you think you're doing them for the right reasons, in your heart of hearts you want to believe it's what's best because the alternatives are scary... Fear holds that little voice back, fear of being different, of going it alone, of struggling and hardships, It's fear keeps that voice from just screaming at you night and day. It paralyzes you and authority figures know that also... it's hard to break free from that but it can be done. It's hard to change a whole way of life, a whole way of thinking... it's hard to believe things can be better, it seems surreal when they are, and you're then afraid they aren't real and they'll be taken from you. You think you can be righteous enough to cover someone elses indescretions and that the more you suffer through, the greater your blessings will be. It's a warped mentality, but I speak from experience... (but not pologamy)any way, that's my two cents....
Heather, you are very wise.
I heard once that the opposite to faith is fear. It's interesting that those two things are such strong forces in our lives. I think they can be so controlling. Faith seems to take a bit more will? And fear seems to make it's presence known even without showing it's face- it's like we find other "excuses" but they really are based in fear. Hmm...
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