Peace

One of my pre-set radio stations in my car has recently changed to a country station. I'm sorry to confess but a couple years ago I started listening to country music sometimes just because it had nice messages and the videos on t.v. had pretty scenery. Yesterday, driving home from work, the song on the radio was about a guy driving home with his kid in the back seat eating a happy meal. He suddenly has to slam on his breaks and lets out a cuss word and when the food flies all over his son, he says the word too. When the guy asks the boy where he learned to talk that way he says, "I've been watching you, ain't that cool... I wanna be just like you."Later, the dad prays in his room for help to be a better person. Then he goes to check on his son and finds him on his knees praying to God like he's talking to a friend. He asks where he learned to talk that way and he says I've been watching you, ain't that cool...

Last night I drove Jeff to work. On the way home, trying to find any station playing any type of music, I stopped on a song I've heard plenty before. It has good music but I've never paid too much attention to the words. Something like "I'll keep you my dirty little secret... who needs to know"?????? What a contrast!

Sometimes I think I'm just a big whimp who whines and complains about everything. But, sometimes it's just too hard to be in this world. I feel like I return home everyday with huge battle wounds just from being out and around people. I had such a good weekend. I felt spiritually uplifted and encouraged. I prayed with more faith and I relaxed and quit worrying so much about things. But Monday comes and it feels like all that is taken away from me. It's so hard to hold onto the peace.

After I got home from picking Jeff up from work this morning, he played games while I took a shower. Then, as I was drying my hair, he went in and lay on the bed. After about a minute and a half, he asked if I was done yet. Frustrated, this being the third time in that minute and a half that I turned the drier off so I could hear what he was saying, I said, fine, I'll be done. Then I went to put a bit of make-up on my skin not JUST for vanity but for protection becuase the cold weather is drying me out and he asked what I was doing now. He just wanted me to come in and talk to him.
Unfortunately, I was a bit out of patience. But as I snuggled him so he could go to sleep, I had two thoughts. The first was how good it felt and how glad I am to have someone to hold. But I also had thoughts like I "should" insist on taking time for myself. He's a big boy, he can take care of himself. It did feel like I was "supposed" to think that or fight back or something. I felt sad that I couldn't just be there with him and take care of him.