This thing called love

I recently watched a televsion show about a girl who got dumped. She is about 25 and works in New York (of course) and decided to make this into a learning experience. She asked her best friend if she is just bad at relationships. She then decided to ask the guy what she did wrong so that she could do better the next time. Well, of course this did not go over well.

Kiki, my 16 year old sister, and I recently discussed an online quiz she took about being good at dating. A friend of mine recently got married. She is one of my most favorite people in the world and I kind of watched the whole relationship grow, from her side of things anyway. There is no doubt in my mind that she fell in love with her guy, almost right away. I know he too fell for her. But sometimes I couldn't help but think that my friend is just really good at dating.

I however, probably suck at it. I just want to meet a guy, develop a friendship that also has that twiterpated, butterfly thing going on, and fall deeply in love. Once in a philosophy class, my instructor asked if we fall in love or if we jump. When he "picked on" me to answer, I said I think we walk really close to the edge and hope for something to push us in. This, he thought, was brilliant.

I don't really know what attracts me to the people I find myself attracted to. I have fallen somewhat recently for guys that when things didn't work out, I later thanked my gaurdian angels for wathcing over me (okay, really I thanked God for answering my prayers with a NO). How could I be so stupid to fall for such losers??? And then, there have also been a few that apparently have fallen for me (who wouldn't given the chance!?) that I just could not return the sentiment to. My most recent "crush" is an adorable guy that we'll just say is out of reach for now.

Being single and also having worked recently with the youth of my church, it seems that my particular religion loves to give lessons on morality and marriage and dating. Even here there seem to be so many rules. Like I think I've been taught to create a checklist and when you find someone who meets most the requirements, that is love.

So, I ask, what is this thing called love? Is dating really such a game- am I supposed to know how to "snatch" a guy and make (or trick) him into loving me? Is there really such thing as falling in love?

P.S. To my fellow bloggers, I know some of you are or have been in love, so please share your thoughts. Also, I tend to get lost easily while trying to read and respond to yours and I'm always in a hurry, so don't take it personally when I'm so slow at playing blogs!

Perfection

One of the worst questions someone can ask, especially on a date, is "what do you like to do in your free time?" Which is really quite silly because there is so much I like to do I barely have time for anyone but myself. So why does my mind go completely blank when someone pops the question?

I think it's because I seek perfection. I cannot admit to liking to do something if I am not perfect at it. And what am I perfect at? Not much. Teaching algebra? Probably not even that. And who would want to hear about it even if I was?

Quandaries

Yesterday I sat somewhere on campus between the public transit station and the math building. One of my favorite parts of campus! The air was cool and smelled like fall and I took a minute to watch the leaves grow. I remembered just how much I wanted to be back at the University. However, when it came time to head for class, I just didn't want to go. I wanted to hide, run, cower. Sometimes I really want to be smart. But, I thought, sometimes I just want to know stuff. And math isn't something you know. It's something you do. I don't know if I want to DO this anymore. I wish I could just absorb knowledge... all these fascinating elements of life, science and poetry. Maybe I'm not meant to be a great artist. Maybe I just want to go to the museums. Is there anything so wrong with that?