2 blog or not 2 blog

When I started high school, I had a diary and a journal. My journal was what I was always taught at church it should be. Like a personal history, I tried to make it for important events and spiritual feelings. But as I started high school, more and more of my life seemed silly and I didn't want a permanent record of the boy I liked and then didn't etc. So, I started a diary and yes, it got more attention than my journal. It seemed the only way I could stay sane was to come home and write down everything that happened that day.
Eventually, my diary and journal merged into the same thing. I got better at writing not about what one friend did or seeing the cute boy, but about how I felt and my insights and experience. I felt like that was okay to have in my permanent record that would probably stand as testimony on judgment day. Plus, I stopped taking the whole journal thing so seriously as if I was leaving an important thing for historians to find and saw it more as something we do for ourselves.
I guess that's how I'm starting to feel about my blogs. I have this one that I fill with my little thoughts and when I just need to talk to myself and think that someone else is listening. Then, I have the one I started when I thought I might be pregnant that is all about my baby and I try to keep as the happy journal of her life. But, my life is starting to merge again and I feel like it's all "just me." (Hm, maybe that's a good name for a new blog? :) I know, it's not just about me because it's about them- my baby, my husband, family and friends- but it's all through me or around me. My universe. Hm...
Plus I think when you have two blogs, people forget about the other one, so it might make it easier for my loyal viewers to only have one. Well, I'll let you know. It might be a good mental/emotional cleansing to merge things. Ah how I love the blogs!

Pina Coloda Song (this was written with the baby screaming in the background :)

I don't know when I first heard the Pina Colada song but I've always liked it. In high school and even into college, I would sometimes wake up with that song in my head and then later hear it somewhere (I thought it was old when I was a kid?). I loved the ideas of just the simple things we enjoy in life, like getting caught in the rain. But somewhere along the way, I heard that song one day and knowing what infidelity does to people, that song just wasn't the same. Both characters were looking elsewhere, looking to cheat right?

The other night as my thoughts went from one thing to the next, that song again popped in my head (I haven't heard it in forever) and I realized that the idea of taking out my own personal column and being tired of his lady were just a way of describing things. What the song is really about is that no matter how tired or frustrated or wanting to just find a dooms of a cave (I don't know if that's even the real words, just what I always heard and imagined some secluded cave on a deserted beach :), I'm really looking to find that all in the one I've already found. I'm looking to again share those simple pleasures with the one I love, not run away from him or find someone else. And that, I think, is the point of the song.

Meant to Be

I used to really believe in "meant to be." I thought that by doing the right thing, going to the right party, the right school, the right job, I was putting myself in the right place for whatever was "meant to be" to happen. I thought choosing the right meant there was a right and a wrong to EVERY question and I had to figure out some out-in-the-universe direction for my life.
I was thinking about a lot of things from my past yesterday. What I realized is that when I thought something was meant to be, it relied on someone else's action (ie. choice) to make it happen. So, when I thought I was waiting for divine intervention and order from the universe, I was really just giving my power (of choice etc) to other people. This probably doesn't sound profound to anyone else, but it gave me a lot of insight into my life.