Here we go....

We officially started moving this weekend. Once I get started, I just want it to be done. Our house is a mess, I'm exhausted, and there is still SO much to do. Both my mom and Jeff's mom asked if I'm okay and are quite concerned about this change for me. It's nice of them to be aware that this isn't easy for me, but, for the record, yes, I'm okay. It's going to be different, but I've come to terms with things (I hope) and am looking forward.

Did I mention there's yet another dog living where we're going? Jeff's dad bought a Shitzu with his tax return money. He plans to use him for breeding and make some money that way. It is the cutest little teddy bear/Ewok faced thing I've ever seen. He's tiny and fluffy and mostly black, so you can't even see his face from a distance. We've had our dog over there a bit lately and although she's the biggest, she definitely doesn't rule the nest. Luckily, she gets along with the new one pretty well. The chihuahuas on the other hand, just aren't liked by anyone from my house and the feeling seems to be mutual.

Saturday we went to a Valentine's dinner with Jeff's dad's church. It was at a restaurant but we had our own room reserved. They played games and served the food buffet style. It was fun and today I'm craving the shredded beef they had for the tacos. I think I'm needing protein today anyway. It's one of those days I just can't seem to eat enough.

A couple weeks ago, at about 5 in the morning, Jeff came in and said "here, hold this" and put something soft and fuzzy in my hand, which happened to be close to my face. Being asleep, my thoughts were not quite coherent. I thought, our dog is not that small, she's not having puppies- I am, did he find a cat? Once I woke up, I realized it was a small Valentine bear. It is so cute (cuter than the Shitzu!). It's white with a red nose, red hearts on it's paws and a bow with dangling hearts that say Be Mine around it's neck. I bought Jeff a card and tried to say something I just really want him to get about how I feel about him and some candy.

Last Thursday, I went to the doctor. I had to do a glucose test for gestational diabetes. It wasn't as bad as I had worried it could be. I went in fasting and had to drink an orange, carbonated sugar drink. The first taste was okay but the after taste was blek. I had 5 minutes to drink it all and it looked small enough I thought that was plenty of time. Jeff kept watch on his clock and the time flew by. I finished it right on time. I got pretty shakey, light headed and giggly. Then the baby started bouncing all over my tummy. But I survived. And the results are in and the sugar and the iron all look normal. Yay! I was a bit concerned about the diabetic stuff. But I'm trying to take care of myself :)

Today is surprisingly calm for a Monday. It's kind of nice, except I can barely stay awake. If I was busy (and often annoyed on Monday), at least it keeps me going :) I still have plenty to do, so I better get to it.

Your opinion doesn't smell good

A few people in the last while have asked me something about my baby- what we're naming her, what colors we're using etc. Fun stuff to talk about right? Well, these few people, and perhaps I'm just too sensitive, after I tell them the answer, look at me like I'm completely stupid. Is that not incredibly rude?!?!
What's funny is, it's probably the first time that I don't feel stupid at all for my opinion and feel completely sure that the other person is the one with the "wrong opinion." Think whatever you want, but to express it or let it be known, especially when you are talking about something so special as the other person's baby, really does make you the jerk with no manners and what does your opinion matter anyway!?
It would be nice if I could get strong enough in myself to fend off such stupid people.

Wishes and Fishes

I was quite uplifted and inspired by BennyK's blog about posthumous classes. What a great way to get out of this world and think about what really matters and what we really want to be doing! I also found Heather's recent blog about the recession and her kids to be quite thought provoking (although I didn't know what to say and didn't comment).

Yesterday at work, a few people were talking about helping their teenagers get cars. One girl was saying that she'd like to help them get a new, reliable car, something inexpensive, that could help build their credit, teach them responsibility, and be dependable when they go off to college. Another guy was saying that he pays his daughter's insurance as long as she is getting good grades etc. He's also helping with his son's college and getting ready to send him on a mission.

Another girl at work has had her husband working in Alaska or Canada? on and off for the past few months. They were married last March. I think I'd go crazy having my husband gone like that! But, he has a really good job that he worked hard through school to get and, I heard her tell someone, he's making as much money doing this project as she'll make this whole year, so that kind of makes it worth it.

I know I'm a judgemental person. I don't mean to be in a negative way. I just find things interesting and different things like this hit me in different ways, which helps me to know what I think and feel. That's usually my point when I talk about people- it's really supposed to be about me, not them.

I just felt like these few overheard conversations/statements made me realize how little I want money to be a part of my motivation. I think that's easy to say when you have enough, but when you don't, it's really hard to live with. Besides, some things are worth working for.

I've been reading a book from Mom about wishing. So far, it's really about being clear about what you want and believing that you can have it. We seem to get so bogged down in "reality" and "THE recession" and day to day survival, that it's hard to remember that not only do we WANT to study surfing, trapeze, cooking, and quantum physics, but we think we can't and that life HAS to be hard and punitive or something.

The point I'm really trying to make with all these random thoughts is that it's been a rough couple of weeks. I tend to value in myself my ability to rise up when the going gets tough and make decisions and, in some way, take charge of things. I almost feel my thoughts taking shape in that way.

I believe that kids, teenagers don't NEED their own cars.
I believe that a husband at home is more important than making lots of money (I also believe that supporting each other in career goals etc is important so it's subjective to the situation).
I believe that learning and study and reaching our potential is what life should really be about.

What classes do I want to look forward to in the afterlife? What do I want to learn and be and do without waiting for the afterlife, or even the after-now?
What do I wish for?

It's coming. It's hard to hear in the noise, but I'm getting somewhere...