Last Friday my step-mother in law called me. She works at a private Christian school and they are looking for a new teacher for a 3rd/4th grade class and I was the first one she thought of. It was one of those things that come into your life and seems like the perfect opportunity is just handed to you...
Well, maybe it's perfect, but maybe it's not once you look closer. I don't know how I feel about teaching 8 and 9 year olds. I mean, it would be fun, but I'm not naive enough to not see the challenges in it. I have no background (except at church) in preparing lessons for them, knowing how they learn and think etc. And the other thing that is a big hesitation is it would be a big cut in pay; I try not to work for the money, but right now, it is something I have to consider.
I was supposed to call the principal yesterday. I had such a busy day I took 15 minutes for lunch and went to the bathroom once. I was here for over 8 hours. When I did think about calling him, I got that big dropping feeling in my stomach. Maybe it was fear, maybe it was being too busy. I put it off. Today I thought I would call him and at least learn more about it before trying to make up my mind, but again I got that feeling. I've tried in the past to listen to that feeling you have when you're first waking up and you think about a question that's been on your mind. That too has told me no. I think I've learned in my life to listen to that, so today I kind of let go of thinking I would do anything to pursue this.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Last weekend we bought Jeff a new used car. Crazy considering our finances, but we got a really good price with reasonable payments. It's pretty. It's a Saturn SC2- it's a sporty little car (his mom says he looks too big in it) and it's black. We've been very excited.
We also went four wheeling out by his mom's house in Lake Point over the weekend. It's one of those things I feel like I'm supposed to be too scared to do or not supposed to because it's dangerous. But it was SO fun. I really felt like we'd done something for the weekend and it was relaxing and exhilarating at the same time. He led and I followed- my face got so black with dirt it was embarrassing. I learned to not follow so closely. A couple times I had to stop because the dust got so bad, I couldn't see the path and was afraid I'd drive off into a fence or ditch.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Too tired to keep working
About a week and a half ago, my car died. I picked Jeff up in the morning on a Friday (leaving his car at his work), got home and went in the house for a few minutes, and when I leftagain, it wouldn't start. Just dead. I missed work that day because I had absolutely no way to get here- I didn't even have a dollar for the bus if I could find one to take. This stressed me out. I don't like calling in to work. I get so tense and embarrassed and worried about it. Jeff gets very bothered by this. I think he's trying to help me cope and see things in perspective- life does go on- but sometimes his lack of "getting it" stresses me out more. He saw this day as a chance to spend the day together because there was nothing we could do to get me to work. He felt bad that all I could think of was, "I have to get to work." He thinks I care too much about work and what people think of me. He's probably right, but I also needed to be understood.
That weekend, Jeff and his brother replaced the alternator in my car. I think Jeff was quite pleased that he had fixed it for me. The car still didn't start real smoothly, but I thought I was just being paranoid. I got to work and home just fine Monday. Tuesday morning, it was dead again. Jeff thought I should just call in again, but I couldn't miss another day for it. I called in late and we took his car to Jiffy Lube before he drove me to work. He didn't dare let me drive it because it has so many problems but thought it would be better if we had the oil changed etc. It drove a lot better after that and I drove it to work the rest of the week.
Jeff gets off work at 8 in the morning and I have to be to my job at 9. That Friday, just before he was to leave, someone got hurt by a machine at his work. Part of his job is to find out what happened and write up a report about it. This made him late getting home so I was once again late for work, waiting for his car.
We thought that my car probably just needed a new battery. Jeff wasn't sure how to do this, but was pretty sure he could figure it out. We planned on getting it done over the weekend. His brother said he could help, but not until Sunday. Saturday morning he stopped by and listened as I tried to start it and said it was probably most definitely the battery. In spite of my stress, we kept putting off getting it done. By Sunday afternoon we decided his car had been going fine and I would just take it that Monday morning and we'd get to my car sometime. Really, we did need the weekend together and to think about something besides the car and work.
Sunday night his car died on him three times, on the freeway (like when he'd slow down because of other cars) on his way to work. He didn't want me to drive it Monday morning. Monday's are my stressful days at work. I feel like I do more work on Monday than I do the rest of the week combined. I did NOT want to miss, especially because things have been more stressful than ever. He had a hard time driving home Monday and when he got there coolant spilled all over the parking lot in a matter of minutes. Again I had NO car and no way to get anything going. Embarassingly, I again missed work.
Jeff got the battery out of my car and around noon, mudder came and took me to get a new battery. I hoped Jeff would sleep considering he'd only slept about an hour in the last 27 hours. I went with mom, we got the battery, went to the drug store, and went to see Jamesy who has had his tonsils out. It took me all day to get rid of the stress of not being at work. That night Jeff put the new battery in my car and it starts very smoothly. The stress I felt leaving my body once we finally had it taken care of was intense. But then Tuesday came and I had to catch up to everything I'd not done Monday and I found out they are making a bunch of changes that effect A LOT of what I do. It's a lot of thinking and planning and communicating. I also drove Jeff to work at 11:30 the last two nights, get up at 6 to walk the dog, and be ready to go pick him up at 7:30.
Speaking of the dog, not that y'all want to know this, but she doesn't go to the bathroom. I spend so much time outside with her but she doesn't seem to know it's okay to go. She seems nervous. Thankfully, she's good about not going in the house (except for the hour we left her alone Saturday and I think she panicked- she was very upset when we got home and she'd left two surprises for us). She's gone a few times when Jeff takes her out, but both his dad and step mom say she's very shy and private about going to the bathroom. I try to let her wander on her own so she can get comfortable, but she runs from me. At first she'd stop when I called her, but now she just runs. Jeff's voice can make her stop, so he doesn't have that problem. (oh, and her name is Niobe- pronounces Nie-oh-bee). This causes me stress too. It's only been in the last few days that she's even really eaten much.
Anyway, I'm tired.
That weekend, Jeff and his brother replaced the alternator in my car. I think Jeff was quite pleased that he had fixed it for me. The car still didn't start real smoothly, but I thought I was just being paranoid. I got to work and home just fine Monday. Tuesday morning, it was dead again. Jeff thought I should just call in again, but I couldn't miss another day for it. I called in late and we took his car to Jiffy Lube before he drove me to work. He didn't dare let me drive it because it has so many problems but thought it would be better if we had the oil changed etc. It drove a lot better after that and I drove it to work the rest of the week.
Jeff gets off work at 8 in the morning and I have to be to my job at 9. That Friday, just before he was to leave, someone got hurt by a machine at his work. Part of his job is to find out what happened and write up a report about it. This made him late getting home so I was once again late for work, waiting for his car.
We thought that my car probably just needed a new battery. Jeff wasn't sure how to do this, but was pretty sure he could figure it out. We planned on getting it done over the weekend. His brother said he could help, but not until Sunday. Saturday morning he stopped by and listened as I tried to start it and said it was probably most definitely the battery. In spite of my stress, we kept putting off getting it done. By Sunday afternoon we decided his car had been going fine and I would just take it that Monday morning and we'd get to my car sometime. Really, we did need the weekend together and to think about something besides the car and work.
Sunday night his car died on him three times, on the freeway (like when he'd slow down because of other cars) on his way to work. He didn't want me to drive it Monday morning. Monday's are my stressful days at work. I feel like I do more work on Monday than I do the rest of the week combined. I did NOT want to miss, especially because things have been more stressful than ever. He had a hard time driving home Monday and when he got there coolant spilled all over the parking lot in a matter of minutes. Again I had NO car and no way to get anything going. Embarassingly, I again missed work.
Jeff got the battery out of my car and around noon, mudder came and took me to get a new battery. I hoped Jeff would sleep considering he'd only slept about an hour in the last 27 hours. I went with mom, we got the battery, went to the drug store, and went to see Jamesy who has had his tonsils out. It took me all day to get rid of the stress of not being at work. That night Jeff put the new battery in my car and it starts very smoothly. The stress I felt leaving my body once we finally had it taken care of was intense. But then Tuesday came and I had to catch up to everything I'd not done Monday and I found out they are making a bunch of changes that effect A LOT of what I do. It's a lot of thinking and planning and communicating. I also drove Jeff to work at 11:30 the last two nights, get up at 6 to walk the dog, and be ready to go pick him up at 7:30.
Speaking of the dog, not that y'all want to know this, but she doesn't go to the bathroom. I spend so much time outside with her but she doesn't seem to know it's okay to go. She seems nervous. Thankfully, she's good about not going in the house (except for the hour we left her alone Saturday and I think she panicked- she was very upset when we got home and she'd left two surprises for us). She's gone a few times when Jeff takes her out, but both his dad and step mom say she's very shy and private about going to the bathroom. I try to let her wander on her own so she can get comfortable, but she runs from me. At first she'd stop when I called her, but now she just runs. Jeff's voice can make her stop, so he doesn't have that problem. (oh, and her name is Niobe- pronounces Nie-oh-bee). This causes me stress too. It's only been in the last few days that she's even really eaten much.
Anyway, I'm tired.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Dog
Jeff and I have decided to adopt a dog. His dad's family has this big old dog that is so sweet. She is a basset hound/begal mix. Her head and body are the size of a good medium sized dog- she is very wide and heavy. But she has short little stocky legs that make it hard for her to even go up the stairs or jump on the couch. Jeff says they call this mix a Bagel (or maybe he just made that up). Everytime we are there, she just wants to be by Jeff. She lays her head on his leg and just wants to be there. His dad has decided to get a couple big dogs (I don't remember what kind) that they will try to breed and sell for a thousand dollars a pup. They aren't supposed to have more than three dogs and they already have two, so the brown dog has been offered to us.
When Jeff asked if I wanted her, my first reaction was "if you clean up the mess" but the truth was, I was excited. I really like that dog. And the more I thought about it, the more excited I got about having her. Even when I woke up at six this morning and thought about taking the dog out in my pajamas, I still want her.
So, today after work, I'm stopping at Jeff's dad's house to pick up the dog.
Today I wrote an email to my mom, just checking in. I wanted to tell her about the dog. But, everytime I started to type it, I felt hesitant. I felt stupid. The parental voice in my head said why would you want to do that? And I worry about the mess and the expense.
Not to bore people again, but this is how my mind works and I'm tired of it.
____________________________________________________________________
I wrote that yesterday. We took the dog home last night. She is very well behaved and slept on the bed with me the whole night.
When Jeff asked if I wanted her, my first reaction was "if you clean up the mess" but the truth was, I was excited. I really like that dog. And the more I thought about it, the more excited I got about having her. Even when I woke up at six this morning and thought about taking the dog out in my pajamas, I still want her.
So, today after work, I'm stopping at Jeff's dad's house to pick up the dog.
Today I wrote an email to my mom, just checking in. I wanted to tell her about the dog. But, everytime I started to type it, I felt hesitant. I felt stupid. The parental voice in my head said why would you want to do that? And I worry about the mess and the expense.
Not to bore people again, but this is how my mind works and I'm tired of it.
____________________________________________________________________
I wrote that yesterday. We took the dog home last night. She is very well behaved and slept on the bed with me the whole night.
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