Making it Right

Jane is always (sometimes overly) concerned about "choosing the right." The song says "there's a right and a wrong to every question." Jane's not sure that it's always so black and white. Even more confusing, sometimes what seems to be logically the right/best choice, is not what the rules would say is right.

Even the scriptures have examples of exceptions. Thou shalt not kill but David killed Goliath and others were commanded to kill to serve God's purposes. Thou shalt not steal, but the Israelites took all they could from the Egyptians when they were freed because all is God's and He will provide.

In our lives? What if a couple wants to get divorced? Let's even throw out the not so simplistic reasons of they just don't love each other anymore or don't get along well and say it's for big reasons like one of them cheated or is an alcoholic or committed a big crime. Divorce isn't right and we're taught that people give up too eaily. But, especially in cases like these, wouldn't one, if not both, be better off and better able to progress and do right things if they split?

What about a couple before marriage who are so in love they have a hard time keeping their morals in check? Jane belongs to a church that teaches that almost any physical relationship is wrong before marriage. In fact, if a couple truly loves each other, they wouldn't want to "hurt" each other by doing those things. (This seems a bit contrary to nature- like you'd want to do those things with someone you don't love?! But anyway...) It almost seems like the "right thing" in order to follow the rulse would be for the two people to stay away from each other and run from the temptation. Wouldn't this just bring about a lot of running and not getting anywhere?
It seems to Jane that if the real goal is love and marriage, running away is not the answer. Perhaps the "right" thing is for the couple to do the best they can and work toward loving each other and getting married and then these things, in a sense, will fix themselves.

The church does say that if a couple gets pregnant before marriage the first choice, if possible, to make it right is for the couuple to get married. Why is that? It seems to Jane that if whay they did was a sin, the first choice would be to place the child for adoption and probably the couple should break up- maybe as retribution or to avoid further sin or something.

That there could be the point. Perhaps repentance isn't about being punished for our sins, but about following through with our choices and making things right. There probably isn't a right and wrond to every questions, but a whole lot of shades of gray in between.

In reading scriptures lately, Jane has encountered a lot that basically says God is in control, don't forget Him, and let Him be in your life. Perhaps this isn't about fate/destiny and God controlling you like a chess game. Perhaps it's so He can help you distinguish all the gray areas and make the most out of whichever shade you choose.

Life suddenly got very complicated.

Babble

I learned long ago to trust my intuition when I first wake up in the morning- my very frist most honest impression. But in the last while, I'm not sure that's always true. Sometimes I think all my intuition is saying is that I'm scared.

Fear plays a big role in my life and is very influential. The other night, I had some phone calls to make for church and I just about didn't get it done. I wasn't avoiding it on purpose, I just kept forgetting or thinking of reasons why later would be better. I HAD to get them done, so I just told myself to be friendly and positive- now they're done and I can quit thinking about it.

I need to talk to my boss about next quarter and that makes me nervous too. So I keep waiting. I HAVE to get that taken care of too! My first impression when I think about that in the morning is I want to get back in bed. That's not intuition that I ought to wait or think things over- that's just avoidance.

Another thing that's a problem for me is settling my own mind when someone says something different. I'm so quick to say I'm wrong- they MUST know more/better than I do. Says who!?

Ugh. I get tired of thinking and acting and reacting in a way that's different than what I really think. Honestly, sometimes I think one thing in the very moment I'm saying or doing something else. That's so weird and frustrating!

I've said it all before, but I'm learning

Kliff told Jane that most of the country's population has the mental capability of an 8 year old. (Not to put down any 8 year olds, but you know what I mean). He was talking about politics, but he's right in so many ways! So why does Jane turn to so many other people for advice? There are so many books and magazines and t.v. shows etc about relationships and how to be pretty and what makes you worth something. What do these people know!? Even within the church framework, sure these people are at least looking for more and trying to do what's right etc, but do they really get it? Do they know anything about life and people and living? Probably not. Because they too have an immature mental capacity and can only see things, even good things, from that perspective.

Kliff also told Jane that "I don't know" is not a good answer, something that Jane says all the time. Not because she doesn't know, but because she's thinking or she's hesitant or she doesn't want conflict. On Benny's blog, she took the book personality quiz. She was compared to Siddhartha. She's never read that book but the comment said she doesn't know what she believes in and clings to every philosophy until a new one comes along. This hurt Jane because she feels she has great conviction and a strong belief system. But she realized it's true! Constantly searching for truth and the right answer, Jane listens to every voice but her own. When the truth is, Jane does know.

Jane has been trying to stop everytime she thinks "I don't know" or acts out of habit in a way that shows hesitation and say, "I do know. And this is what I know."

So, this is what Jane knows...
Jane knows God is love and He isn't going to kick her out of heaven because she's not as perfect as she tries to be. In fact, even if she made the biggest mistake she is capable of, God would still help her get where it is she ultimately wants to go.

Jane knows that emotions are like the blood of the spirit. Sometimes their expression should be censored or controlled, but for the most part, emotions are your connection to the world. How else do you know what's good or bad or when you're in love or when you've been hurt and it's not good for you to be somewhere or with someone? No, emotions are not the same as conscience, but they are a lot stronger force and a better teacher than logic alone.

Jane knows there are good things in the world. As much time in life as possible should be spent with those you love, smelling flowers, watching grass grow, and listening to laughter. The world keeps spinning, the trick is to enjoy the ride.

These are not beliefs Jane has an easy time living. Perhaps acknowledgement is the first step in letting them grow.